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Managing Screen Time
Let’s face it. It’s hard to unplug from our screens. Our devices connect us to other people, as well as to fun and useful information, but they can also have a downside. In this month’s column, I’ll share some reminders for managing screen time as a family. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at [email protected] Dear Nicole,We have a toddler, a third grader, and a tween who is growing up fast. If we let…
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Supporting Mental Wellness
I’m grateful for the little moments that start to feel like pre-pandemic life. Before 2020, I never thought that going to a grocery store or a friend’s house without being afraid to touch things or breathe air was cause for a celebration. But after nearly two years of the pandemic, these “small” things make a big difference. While I’m hopeful that the worst of the pandemic is over, I’m deeply concerned about the extent of the pandemic-related emotional and behavioral health challenges faced by many children, youth, and adults. The holidays can be a challenging time anyway for mental health, so it’s even more important that we care for ourselves…
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Ask Nicole: Helping Kids Handle Big Emotions
The worst of the COVID-19 pandemic may be behind us, but the effects of nearly three years of uncertainty, disruption, and loss are still rippling through our community. Health, education, and social service professionals everywhere are sharing how the pandemic and the ongoing struggle for racial justice have intensified the mental health crisis among children and adolescents, which was growing at an alarming rate even before the pandemic. Our community isn’t immune to this mental health crisis, and none of us can solve it on our own. But together, we can support children and families wherever they live, work, learn, play, and worship. This monthly column provides tips for anyone…
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Tips for New Parents
Tips for New Parents Nicole M. Young, MSW Every year on my kids’ birthdays, I retell the stories of their births and lives as newborns: endless hours of painful contractions, difficulty breastfeeding, sleepless nights, nonstop crying that could only be soothed by turning on the vacuum, and immense and deep love for them. It’s partly a humorous way to remind them of how much pain and effort it took to bring them into this world (there’s a reason why it’s called labor). But it’s also a way for my husband and I to remind our kids of how much we’ve always loved them, even before they were born, and to…
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Mental Health
Back to School Mental Health Tips by Nicole M. Young, MSW Sometimes, kids just need parents and other adults to listen without judging or trying to solve their problems. For some kids, the new school year is an exciting time — seeing old friends, making new ones, showing off cool clothes, joining sports or clubs, or enjoying new classes and teachers. For other kids, the transition between summer and school sparks difficult feelings, like fear, anxiety, or depression. And for many, it’s all of that and everything in between.This monthly column provides tips for anyone who’s raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to…
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Vaccinations
COVID Vaccines for Our Youngest Kids by Nicole M. Young, MSW Last month, COVID vaccines were approved for children between 6 months and 5 years of age. For some parents, this was a long-awaited moment, when their youngest family members could also be more protected against COVID. Others are feeling cautious and want to wait and see. And there are many strong opinions about whether COVID (and other) vaccines are helpful or harmful, leaving many families wondering what to do. This month, I’m sharing information I’ve learned from local pediatricians, pediatric nurse practitioners, and public health leaders (many of whom have young children) about the COVID vaccines for this age…
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Scary World
Helping Children Cope With Traumatic Events by Nicole M. Young, MSW This month’s article is a re-run, partly because I’m on vacation, but mostly because the topic is still very relevant. According to the Gun Violence Archive — which defines a mass shooting as four or more people (not including the attacker) shot or killed in a single incident —there were at least 230 mass shootings in the US between January 1 and May 30, 2022. The shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas was the 213th incident, which means 17 (!) more mass shootings occurred in the week after that. We may have different beliefs about the problem…
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Adjusting After COVID
Adjusting After COVID By Nicole M. Young, MSW My oldest child recently graduated from college. I’m grateful he experienced his graduation ceremony in person, but it was surreal to be there with thousands of people. It made me realize how life is definitely different because of COVID but feels more “normal” with each passing day. I’ll admit there are times when I miss the quieter, slower pace of life and the increased family bonding time, especially during the first year of the pandemic. I want to maintain that feeling of peace and family connectedness, even as life takes my kids in new and different directions. I have a feeling I’m…
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Your Mental Health
Moms: Your Mental Health Matters! By Nicole M. Young, MSW May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it’s also the time of year when we celebrate our mothers, grandmas, aunties, and other mother figures. As a mother of two (adult) children, I know how fulfilling, demanding, challenging, stressful, and beautiful parenting is. I also know that many mothers feel they need to have all the answers, be ready to handle anything at a moment’s notice, balance multiple demands and schedules, work, find time for their partner AND raise happy, resilient kids — often intuitively or without any additional support. But trying to be everything to everyone at the expense of…
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Ask Nicole
Healthy Screen Time Habits by Nicole M. Young, MSW My family had one TV but no video games, Beta Max player, or VCR when I was young. When we weren’t doing chores, my siblings and I spent hours reading books, playing games, dancing to records, and building forts—always with lots of teasing, bickering, and laughter. Sometimes I wished my family could be more like my friends’ with fewer TV restrictions and more cool gadgets, but my younger self didn’t know I’d have plenty of time to get hooked on screens as an adult. Now, I’m thrilled when my kids—who don’t know life without screens—initiate a conversation, a family game night,…
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Everyday Acts of Love
Everyday Acts of Love By Nicole M. Young, MSW Dr. Gary Chapman says that everyone expresses and experiences love in the same five ways – physical touch, receiving gifts, words of affirmation (praise, positive feedback), acts of service, and quality time – but each person has a primary love language that is most meaningful to them. Almost every Saturday morning, my husband cooks breakfast for both of us. He serves me first, bringing a plate (and often a coffee refill) into my home office, where I’ve usually been working for a couple of hours already (yes, even on weekends). We say very few words besides, “Here you go,” and “Yum!…
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Stress Busters
Stress-busters for Positive Parenting Awareness Month By Nicole M. Young, MSW Are you a parent or other caregiver who’s raising children and teens? If so, it’s that time of year to celebrate YOU! The County Board of Supervisors has partnered with First 5 Santa Cruz County to declare January 2022 as the 10th annual Positive Parenting Awareness Month. Other California counties are doing the same, and the California legislature will pass a resolution, declaring January 2022 as Positive Parenting Awareness Month across the state. Celebrating positive parenting during the first month of the new year is an opportunity to remember that: Raising children and youth to become healthy, confident, capable individuals is the most important…
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Supporting Mental Wellness
Supporting Mental Wellness by Nicole M. Young, MSW I’m grateful for the little moments that start to feel like pre-pandemic life. Before 2020, I never thought that going to a grocery store or a friend’s house without being afraid to touch things or breathe air was cause for a celebration. But after nearly two years of the pandemic, these “small” things make a big difference. While I’m hopeful that the worst of the pandemic is over, I’m deeply concerned about the extent of the pandemic-related emotional and behavioral health challenges faced by many children, youth, and adults. The holidays can be a challenging time anyway for mental health, so it’s…
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Violence in Schools
When Violence Happens at School by Nicole M. Young, MSW Our community is still grappling with the tragic, violent death of a high school student on campus. It’s been weeks since it happened and I didn’t know the students involved, but I still get emotional when I imagine the pain of losing a child. Many people responded with compassion, honoring the student who lost his life and donating money to the family. Others shared strong opinions about whether to have more law enforcement or mental health counselors on campus. And some shared their theories about what causes violence in the first place (hint: it’s usually framed as a parenting failure).…
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Preparing for the New School Year
Preparing for the New School Year By Nicole M. Young, MSW The back-to-school routine is going to be bittersweet for me this year. I’m excited for my kids, who will experience their senior years in high school and college with in-person classes and activities. They’re excited about returning to a more “normal” routine, but there’s also some hesitation about returning to a regular (i.e., earlier, non-pajamas) school day and busier, crowded environments. As for me, I won’t miss the extra dirty dishes and unstable internet during Zoom meetings, but I will miss their presence during the day and will treasure the extra time we had together. This monthly column provides…
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Home Alone
Tips for Leaving Kids Home Alone By Nicole M. Young, MSW As a working parent, summer vacation was always a mixed blessing when my kids were younger. It was a relief to have a break from the daily school routine, but figuring out a patchwork quilt of childcare and supervised activities was stressful (and expensive). The older they got, the harder it became to find affordable options that would work for both of them – and not require me to spend half of my working day getting them to and from their different activities. So it was a relief when they were old enough to be left alone, unsupervised –…
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Celebrate Dads and Father-figures
Celebrate Dads and Father-figures By Nicole M. Young, MSW This Mother’s Day, my kids gave me the best gift ever: their time and attention. Yes, I love the beautiful ceramic pitcher from my daughter and the cheese basket from my son (he knows me well). I thoroughly enjoyed the bagel breakfast and going out to dinner. But what filled my heart the most was sitting, eating, talking, laughing, gardening, making travel plans together – not just being next to each other, but really being with each other. The older they (and I) get, the more I appreciate the gift of time with them and the ways we love each other,…
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Self-care is Essential
Self-care is Essential By Nicole M. Young, MSW You’re not alone! Parenting is hard when you’re tired and stressed. That’s why taking care of yourself is one of the five principles of positive parenting in Triple P. I’ve been a mother for 21 years, which is hard to believe. Although my kids are still at the center of my heart and mind, my daily routine no longer revolves around them. They don’t need help with eating, getting dressed, brushing their teeth, or going to bed. I don’t check their homework or drive them places anymore. It’s both sad and liberating. And it makes me realize that for many years, taking…
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Creating Positive Childhood Experiences
Creating Positive Childhood Experiences By Nicole M. Young, MSW April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, which makes me pause to think about all the hardships and trauma children and families have experienced this past year. COVID-19. Displacement due to wildfires. Racism. Social isolation. Hunger. Lost jobs. Financial instability. Struggles with remote learning. Hate crimes. These multiple “storms” have left their mark. Communities across the nation have reported increased calls to domestic violence and mental health hotlines. Recent results from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Household Pulse Survey, suggest “the proportion of U.S. adults with symptoms of anxiety disorder and/or depressive disorder have quadrupled since before the pandemic,” especially…
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Love Language
Showing Love in Many Languages By Nicole M. Young, MSW The primary love language of children and teens may change as they grow, so it helps to learn how to “speak” each language and be ready to show your love in multiple ways. “Back in the day” (before COVID-19, when I had to drive places), I used to see an older couple taking morning walks as I drove to meetings or dropped my kids off at school. It always warmed my heart to see them walking the same route, holding hands, swinging their arms in unison, and smiling as they walked and talked. Even from a distance, I could tell…
