My now sixteen year old niece would kill me if she knew I was telling this story, but one of my favorite family videos shows her at age seven, sitting cross- legged in her underwear on the living room floor divvying up toys for two patient Labrador retriever mixes.
Ethan and Chase were more than content to listen to her work through the logic of a stuffed animal distribution system. Each plushie was presented to a dog for their feedback and then returned to a stool to await the final evaluation and dog assignment.
The dogs were most likely thrilled that a human would sit on the floor with them and interact in a calm focused manner, the child, my niece, was emboldened by the audience. “Would you like this toy in exchange for this toy?”
The year prior, she had been diagnosed with a lazy eye and prescribed glasses. The new look set her apart in her second- grade classroom, and the reaction from peers was not kind. Like many children suddenly on the receiving end of ridicule, she felt isolated.
My sister bought books about friendship, tried to coach her through difficult conversations, and gently encouraged her to seek new friends. But the most effective companionship came from those two dogs offering unbridled attention without condition.
Through her stuffed animal exchange system, my niece was unknowingly practicing the building blocks of academic and social learning: patience, problem-solving, empathy, and self- regulation. The coping skills her peers were challenging her to develop were being rehearsed quietly and steadily at home with two loving dogs.
Pets And Executive Functioning
Educators often talk about executive functioning: the set of skills that includes planning, organization, self-control, and flexible thinking. For children, these skills support learning in school and beyond. They are also notoriously hard to teach directly. But bring a pet into the mix, and suddenly abstract skills become meaningful and rewarding. Consider the following developmentally appropriate activities:
- Pre-K-Kindergarten: Following a picture chart to feed a cat or walk a dog introduces routine and sequence. Waiting patiently while a sibling takes a turn feeding a pet provides the opportunity to practice self control.
- Grades 1-3: Planning a birthday party for a pet (complete with invitations, decorations, and maybe a dog-friendly cake) requires foresight, budgeting, and prioritization.
- Grades 4-5: Designing a training plan with specific steps and goals requires strategy: what behavior comes first? How will progress be measured? At this age, a child can also begin building a balanced daily schedule, weaving together schoolwork, play, chores, and pet care in a way that makes sense to them.
Pets And Social-Emotional Growth
Equally important is the role pets play in social-emotional learning: developing empathy, self-awareness, and relationship skills. A child who strokes a rabbit gently or lowers their voice to avoid startling a dog is learning sensitivity to the needs of another creature.
- Pre-K-Kindergarten: Even toddlers can begin by naming what they see: “Oscar looks grumpy” or “Luna is wagging her tail.” These observations seed the empathy they will need for navigating friendships.
- Grades 1-3: The imaginative planning of a pet’s birthday party isn’t just an organizational exercise, it’s also an expression of affection, a recognition that another being deserves celebration.
- Grades 4-5: Training plans and daily schedules aren’t only about discipline; they teach reciprocity. A dog sits, the child praises. A pet waits, the child responds. These exchanges model healthy give-and-take, the basis for strong human relationships.
The beauty is that pets don’t evaluate. Their feedback comes in a wagging tail, a slow blink, or a gentle nudge. For a child who feels scrutinized by peers or misunderstood by adults, that acceptance can be transformative.
A Call To Parents
Not every family can adopt a dog or cat, but most can find a way to connect children with animals through volunteering with an adult at a local shelter, fostering small pets, or helping a neighbor with dog walks. This fall, consider signing your child up to read to a shelter dog, help socialize kittens, or reach out to a neighbor for some low stakes pet care.
My niece, now in high school, doesn’t divide toys between Ethan and Chase anymore. But she has adopted the calm persistence and playful negotiation she practiced with them. The dogs, in their quiet way, gave her exactly what she needed: the chance to rehearse being in the world.
As the largest and most comprehensive animal care and rescue organization in the community, the open-admission Santa Cruz County Animal Shelter takes in about 7,000 animals each year. Government funding is limited, so we depend on our community to sustain our life-saving and pet homelessness prevention programs. The Shelter’s sister nonprofit Foundation helps to cover the costs for core services such as animal control; licensing and rabies vaccinations; safe housing for strays and surrenders; and intervention in animal abuse cases. The Foundation is also proactive in tackling root causes of animal overpopulation and suffering by offering prevention programs, exceptional medical care, humane education and community outreach.
