What the Kids Are Saying

My 8-year-old came home last week speaking a new language. No, it wasn’t the Spanish he’s studying on Duolingo. It’s…well, kid speak. It wasn’t just him. I heard him talking to his friends with all these words I didn’t know.

I wasn’t meant to know them. I’m a grown up.

In a sly bit, TV host John Oliver threw out a couple of them a few weeks ago, claiming that kids would stop using them because he used them.

But nope, it didn’t work. They are still out there, mostly popularized by YouTube influencers.

I asked Parker to write a dictionary of his lingo for those of us not in his generation. Do your kids know others? Send them into [email protected] and we’ll print them. What do you make of this jargon? What are your favorites or most haters?

Here goes:

Sigma means a person who is not a player and sticks to one girl. It also means a very cool person. You can also say “What the sigma?” and that basically means “what the frick?”.

Brainrot is the definition of all the words you’re going to be reading today. Also a bunch of people think it’s cringe.

Skibidi originally came from skibidi toilet which is from a YouTube channel and it’s basically a series of toilets with heads fighting camera people.

Rizz is basically charisma but for generation Alpha.

Alpha is also kinda sigma but cooler.

Beta is a very uncool person that is trash.

Gyatt is a butt and there’s three levels of it. Level 1 is very small. Level 2 is medium and level 3 is really big.

Phantom tax is someone stealing food from someone.

Ohio is something really cursed.

Mewing is basically a thing where you put your finger to your jawline and make it bigger but its fake.

Cooking is basically hyping someone up.

Baby Gronk is a football player.

Looksmaxing is looking your best.

Do you think if you try these on your kids, they’ll finally think you’re cool? Nah. I don’t either.

Thanks for reading

Brad Kava,
Editor and Publisher