Parenting - Growing Up in Santa Cruz

Growing Up and Growing Older

Brad Kava — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 17:06:00 +0000

One of the worst things that happened when raising my son was that no one told us that breast feeding in the middle of the night and not brushing his teeth right then could cause cavities. I wished someone in obstetrics had mentioned that. Instead, we had to take him to a pediatric dentist, where he was put under anesthesia and a great dentist did the work. His mother and I were in tears of fear watching this not quite a toddler on the chair. That’s one of the guiding principles for this magazine ever since. We want to get as much information out to parents as possible. This month we have a pediatric dental column to help with things they might not have told you yet. It’s so important and can be overlooked amongst the trials of child birth. We are trying to cover child rearing experiences for all ages, from birth to grand parenting with content provided by local experts and local writers. You won’t find that in online parent guides or many other magazines, which use syndicated writers. Here you will find everything homegrown in our county, something I’m really proud of. I love this line from our special needs columnist Tovah Petra Kolodinski, who is both a writer and an expert: “In some ways, a newborn experiences the world much like we experience Halloween— loud, unpredictable, and filled with strange sensations.” Perfect for the season, in which we celebrate births and the frenetic end of month holiday. Susan Tatsui-D’Arcy, who is an educator and owns her own school, took a break from more serious topics to bring us a fun Halloween treat. Yum. And we have two of my favorite stories ever: one on the top baby names here in California and in the rest of the country. I find parents’ choices so fascinating. What’s the strangest or most unusual baby name you’ve heard lately? The other piece we love is our fashion column in which writer Malia Fort takes a look at what older and younger people in Santa Cruz are wearing. Love, Love Love. Our finance column also has lessons you’ll keep for a lifetime: the most important being that kids start learning about finance at a much younger age than you would expect. There’s much more here to entertain and teach. Have a great read. PS: As we go to press, we saw major changes in federal and state regulations for pain killers for pregnant women. We’ll investigate with local doctors for the next issue. If you have ideas on the important topic, please send to editor@growingupsc.com Thanks for reading!

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Little Ears, Big Lessons

Bay Federal Credit Union — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:51:41 +0000

Kids are always listening. Even when they’re busy stacking blocks, staring out the car window, or sneaking a cookie before dinner, they’re tuned in to the world around them, especially to the words and tone of the adults they trust most. That includes how we find ourselves talking about money. Think about a simple grocery store trip. You might sigh and say, “We can’t afford that right now.” To you, it’s a practical comment. To your child, it might sound like money is scary or that there’s never enough. Over time, those small comments become the foundation of how kids see finances. The Hidden Messages Kids Hear Whether we mean to or not, we send money messages all the time. A quick remark like, “That’s too expensive,” or brushing off a question with, “Don’t worry about it,” might sound harmless, but it can leave a lasting impression. If kids only hear money talked about in terms of limits or worry, they may start to associate it with stress. When we avoid the subject altogether, they might think money is a taboo topic that isn’t safe to ask about. On the flip side, if they hear us frame money in terms of planning—like saving for a vacation or setting a budget for back-to- school shopping—they learn that money isn’t just about what you can’t do. It’s about making thoughtful decisions. Why It Matters The way kids view money in childhood often carries into adulthood. If money only feels like a source of anxiety, they may grow up avoiding the topic or doubting their ability to manage it. But when money is discussed openly, with a focus on choices and priorities, kids are more likely to grow up feeling capable and confident in handling it. Healthy Ways To Talk About Money You don’t need a perfect script to get it right. What matters most are small, everyday conversations that feel natural and age-appropriate: Narrate decisions. Instead of saying “we can’t buy that,” try saying, “we’re choosing this brand because it costs less, and we’re saving the extra for pizza night.” Talk about trade-offs. Let kids see that spending on one thing means waiting on another—it’s how priorities work. Celebrate saving. Share when a family goal is met, like setting aside for a special trip or big purchase. Invite them in. Give kids a small budget for something fun (like choosing between two snacks or toys). Making decisions with real dollars teaches more than any lecture. Turning Conversations Into Confidence The point isn’t to shield kids from reality or to never express stress—life has its challenges. But by balancing honesty with encouragement, we show them that money isn’t something to fear. It’s simply a tool that, with planning and practice, can help them reach their goals. At the end of the day, kids don’t need us to have all the answers. They just need us to be willing to talk. The lessons they pick up now about budgeting, saving, and even generosity can give them the confidence to build healthy financial habits for life. If you’re looking for support in starting or strengthening family money conversations, Bay Federal Credit Union partners with GreenPath Financial Wellness, a nonprofit resource that offers free financial counseling, tips, and tools. It’s a great place for parents to get guidance on creating a healthy money mindset so the little ears listening today can grow into financially confident adults tomorrow. Visit www.bayfed.com or stop by your nearest branch to get started. Let’s celebrate your child’s financial firsts together.

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Saying Yes Even With Limited Choices

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:48:58 +0000

The most tempting word in parenting? Of course it’s “no”. Sometimes it’s “NO” and sometimes it’s “noooooooo” You might be thinking, “yep, that’s my job as a parent.” Children want to do absurd things. That’s their job. They are working to learn the world around them, become a person in their own right, and have fun. As parents then, we feel a need to keep our children safe, teach them the right ways of things, and help them avoid mistakes, pitfalls and injuries. So why is “no” troubling when trying to parent the positive discipline way? The short answer is that there is nothing wrong with the limit setting of “no” in itself. As you might have guessed, it’s how we say it. “No” Is An Abstract Concept That Is Challenging To Process Young children are concrete thinkers. “No” and “don’t” actually represent a very abstract concept. So when you tell your young child “no” they may not be developmentally ready to do the challenging work of processing it. Brains develop through about age 25. You may have tried this experiment on yourself or friends: Don’t think of a pink elephant. Did you? I’ve used this example hundreds of times and I still see a pink elephant, just as clearly as I did the first time. Most children won’t process the “no” part of a sentence. They just hear the concrete action part that follows, which sounds exactly like you are suggesting they do the opposite of what you mean. When you say “don’t pull on that table cloth” young brains skip the “don’t” because they don’t really understand the concept yet, but they do hear the “pull on the table cloth”. When I am busy or distracted and my husband says “don’t close the door, I’m coming right back” I’ve watched myself close the door and then process what he said… and open back up again. “No” Creates A Power Struggle “No” also puts you in a head to head with your child (tip: this is true for adults too!) If you read the Doctor Seuss book with the North Going Zax and the South Going Zax you get the visual of standing face to face with your child, neither of you being able to get anywhere because you are stuck in direct opposition. I remember as a child thinking, “Why don’t they just step around each other and keep going?” Imagine parenting as pool balls on a pool table. Each ball has its own path to a pocket. But they often interact with each other. If two balls are coming straight toward each other, they will bounce off and lose momentum but even a slight offset and they deflect and carry on. As parents we often get stuck in a head-to- head, straight-on power struggle with our children, when taking a slight angle could get us working with our child again, with little to no struggle. What Works Better? Finding Your Parenting “Yes!” So, what does “no” look like the Positive Discipline way? Like offering an alternative that meets the needs of the parent and teaches, or offers a path forward for the child, at the same time. Try Expressing A Clear No By Telling Your Child What To Do Instead Of What Not To Do. Say the positive command instead of the negative: Please walk when you are holding scissors. Use your inside voice. Food stays on the plate please. You can get out of the carseat after I park the car. You can hang out with friends after practice as long as you tell me where you will be and come home by 7. The more you practice using positive nos, the more they will become natural. You will eventually have access to them even when you are scared, worried, frustrated, or in a hurry. I remember hearing this tip in the Positive Discipline 8 week course I took when my now 18 year old was 16 months. I practiced and practiced and was amazed at the immediate results I got. But the funniest experience I had trying it was when my son was about two. My son happens to have very active salivary glands, which is great for keeping healthy teeth but, when you are two years old and you are upset and trying to talk… let’s just say it’s messy. I remember one day in particular, he was upset and telling me all about it (thanks to Positive Discipline, he still tells me all about his upsets.) A big drool was about to come out and I panicked. My brain went racing through all the Positive Discipline advice I had heard and I looked at him and said “Swallow your spit.” I couldn’t believe it when it worked. I spent the next few minutes trying not to laugh; trying to listen carefully to his concerns and help him problem-solve. I won’t forget it and it helped me solidify this tool for ever more. Limited Choices Another positive “no” is offering “Limited Choices”. This is a great way to empower your children to make decisions for themselves and to give them practice at making good decisions all while getting an outcome that you are comfortable with as a parent. Limited choices sound like: Which shoes do you want to put on because it’s time to walk out the door now; these or these? Would you like to go with Teacher Joy or Teacher Ron? Would you like bath toys or tub paints for bath time? What day are you going to wash dishes? Tuesday or Friday? You can pick out three books from your bookshelf for bedtime. Are you going to get down or do you want me to carry you down? Limited choices work best when you: You are calm You choose a kind and firm tone of voice (or a playful one if you aren’t already in a conflict) You offer real choices that could be acceptable for both of you Limited Choices are appropriate for most situations. When your children are very young, just offer two choices, so they can practice choosing without extra processing. As your children grow, they may be able to handle more options. Making good choices, or really, being able to make a choice at all, depends upon our brain’s ability to process. Learning differences and neuro processing differences may affect our children’s abilities to make choices. Fatigue, overwhelm or frustration, even being overexcited may make decision making difficult. At the end of a long busy day, I’d rather have my husband ask, “Do you want Thai or Mexican” than, “Where do you want to go for dinner?” Try to be aware of your child’s situation when you offer choices. If they are struggling, ask them if they want you to decide. For children who are not exactly happy with any of the choices, you may opt to set a time limit for them to make the decision; a point at which you will make the decision for them if they cannot or choose not to. For some children or in some situations, this will cause more stress and make it harder for them to make a decision. For children who are upset or overexcited, you can help them calm down before they make the decision. Hold It Lightly! Observation and practice will help you know what works best for you and your child. Experiment. See how it works. Try it a new way. Get curious and wonder what your child’s thinking behind their behavior. If you feel a head to head coming on, if you see a disaster waiting to happen, if you feel you need to correct your child’s behavior, see if you can take a breath and choose a positive no (a parenting YES!,) or offer some limited choices to gain your child’s cooperation.

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Power Of Setting Limits

Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:46:38 +0000

Parents naturally want to make their kids happy—we love them so much, it’s natural to want to give them the world. But balancing that desire with the need to set clear, consistent boundaries isn’t always easy. I know for myself, I often wonder: are we being too soft? Too strict? Finding that “just right” middle ground can be a real challenge. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world- renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Yesenia, I’m a mother to two boys, ages 4 and 7. I try to be consistent with the rules and expectations for my sons, but lately I feel like I may be too strict of a parent. My boys tell me their friends get treats in their lunches, go to bed late, have sleepovers on weeknights and get to play video games whenever they want. My oldest even says he has friends who have their own TVs in their bedrooms! While I think my kids may be exaggerating a bit, other parents I talk to have more lax rules. Are mine unreasonable? Gloria Dear Gloria, A big part of parenting involves setting limits for children, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job. Setting limits is an important part of parenting, even if it’s not always easy or popular. Clear boundaries help kids understand what’s expected and support their well-being. The key is finding rules that feel fair to both you and your kids. Here are a few tips: Involve Your Children In Discussing The Family Rules When children are younger, the responsibility for setting family rules falls primarily on theparent. As children get older, it can be helpful to involve them in the discussion so they understand the reasons for the limits and can share their ideas about what is fair and reasonable. There may also be times when you have different rules or limits for your children, such as a later bedtime for your older child, or fewer chores for your younger child. Involving them in the discussion can help them understand that rules can be different for each of them and still be fair. Start With A Few Simple Family Rules Or Limits Rules or limits are most effective when there are a few of them, they are simple, and they focus on what you want your children to do (versus not do). This makes it easier for both you and your children to remember the limits, which increases their chances of success in following them. For example, instead of saying “No sleepovers on weeknights,” try saying, “Friends can sleep over on weekends.” Some families have rules or limits that are non-negotiable, based on their values about promoting their children’s health, safety, etc. Oftentimes, families also identify rules or limits that are more flexible. You might decide that certain limits are non-negotiable in your family, such as “Finish homework before watching TV,” or “Sweet treats can only be eaten at one meal per day.” As you set firm limits, you might also consider whether certain rules can be more flexible, such as “Eat healthy foods for lunch every day, then pick a treat for lunch on Friday.” This gives your children something to look forward to while still teaching them to respect the limits you have set. Continue To Talk With Other Parents And Adults You Trust. As your children get older, the need for and types of rules or limits you have will change. It’s great to talk with other parents – it helps you let your children know that different families can have different rules. It can also help you decide when and how to modify your family rules as each child gets older. You might also find it helpful to talk to a pediatrician, a pastor, teacher, other friends or family members whose children have already grown up. You are likely to get a range of opinions about what’s considered fair, reasonable and age-appropriate for your children. If it starts to get overwhelming, just think of it as gathering information to help you decide what feels right for your family. Setting (and sticking to) limits can be one of the hardest – and most important – parts of parenting. Establishing reasonable rules and teaching children to follow them will help keep them safe and healthy in the long run. Although they may not appreciate it now, they will thank you someday…when they are raising their own children.

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Most Popular Baby Names In California

Steve Dinnen — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:21:29 +0000

Welcome to the world, baby Mia. And same to you, Liam. You are tops in California – in names, at least. The Social Security Administration keeps an eye on baby names, which come to it by way of registering newborns for Social Security accounts. Each year it publishes a list of the 100 most popular baby names, and for 2024 – they don’t yet have a running total for 2025 – Olivia was number one for girls and Liam came in tops for boys. For 2024, here are the top 10 names for both girls and boys: Mia, Liam Olivia, Noah Camila, Matteo Emma, Santiago Sophia, Sebastian Isabella, Julian Amelia, Oliver Sofia, Ezra Luna, Lucas Gianna , Ethan You can see all 100 top names at the website for Social Security, www.ssa.gov/cgi-bin/namesbystate.cgi. And once you are there, you can scroll back to any year to 1960 and see what names were popular and how they have changed over time. Half a century ago, names were markedly different in California. Here are the top five girls and boys names for 1975: Jennifer, Michael Michelle, Jason Amy, David Maria, Christopher Heather, Robert Obviously, there has been a shift toward Hispanic names. In 1975 it is believed that around 12 percent of California’s population was Hispanic. Today the figure is around 40 percent. While there is a lot of research on baby names, there is little by way of scientific explanation. Clive Thompson, writing in 2019 in JSTOR Daily, said that in the earliest days of the Puritans immigrating to America, Americans tended to pick Biblical names, like Ichabod and Samuel. Later, they switched to moral attributes like Faith, Mercy, and Standfast. But in the late 18th century, the American Revolution began filling newspapers with tales of rebels fighting for independence from Britain. So American parents began naming their children George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Washington Irving and Martha Dandridge (Washington’s wife). Waves of non-British Isles immigrants from Germany, Italy and Scandinavia began to change, and broaden, the name game. And obviously Hispanics. You can explore baby naming protocols to your heart´s content at Baby Center, a digital parenting resource, www.babycenter.com. It has peaked at 2025 names ahead of Social Security and informs us that the most popular names year-to- date are Noah, Liam and Oliver for boys and Olivia, Amelia and Sophia for girls. www.babycenter.com. Nationwide, Liam and Olivia dominate. Still. The two names have, for a sixth year together, topped the list of names for babies born in the U.S. in 2024. Liam has reigned for eight years in a row for boys, while Olivia has topped the girls’ list for six. Also, for the sixth consecutive year, Emma took the second slot for girls, and Noah for boys. The girls’ name Luna slipped out of the Top 10 and was replaced by Sofia, which enters at number 10 for the first time. After Liam, the most common names for boys are, in order: Noah, Oliver, Theodore, James, Henry, Mateo, Elijah, Lucas and William. After Olivia, the most common names for girls are Emma, Amelia, Charlotte, Mia, Sophia, Isabella, Evelyn, Ava and Sofia. Sophie Kihm, editor-in-chief of nameberry, a baby naming website, said the latest data showcases how American parents are increasingly choosing names that have cross- cultural appeal. Kihm’s first name shows up in two variations on the annual list. “A trend we’re tracking is that Americans are more likely to choose heritage choices,” Kihm said, including names that work “no matter where you are in the world.” ”More families in the U.S. come from mixed cultural backgrounds and I hear parents commonly request that they want their child to travel and have a relatively easy to understand name.” The Social Security Administration’s latest data show that 3.61 million babies were born in the U.S. in 2024. That’s a slight increase from last year’s 3.59 million babies, representing an overall increase in the American birthrate. Social media stars and popular television shows are having some impact on the rising popularity of certain names, Social Security says. Among those rising in popularity for girls: Ailany, a Hawaiian name that means “chief,” topped the list. The boys’ name Truce, an Old English name meaning “peace,” rose 11,118 spots from last year’s position to rank 991.The complete, searchable list of baby names is on the Social Security website.

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How to Help Your Child with ADHD in School

growingupsc — Wed, 02 Nov 2022 04:36:28 +0000

I watched my son, Luke–who was struggling with ADHD– in mainstream education for six years before finally pulling the plug on the whole operation and vowing to search for a better, alternative solution for him. Luke was a round peg trying to fit into a square hole, the child left behind, the kid falling through the cracks. But not anymore. When we left his Santa Cruz city school after his last day of 5th grade still unsure where he would end up during this scholastic year, I knew we were in for an uphill battle. THE 6-YEAR BATTLE We first learned of his condition from a Stanford research study of 4- to 5-year-olds who had extensive stays in the NICU as babies and developed ADHD later in life. I learned during the pandemic, however, that Luke has raging anxiety with some autistic qualities that I noticed when he was younger but didn’t recognize fully. Luke’s kindergarten teacher pulled me aside one day and confirmed my hunch, suggesting he get evaluated for ADHD. Luke’s pediatrician, after spending 30 minutes witnessing Luke climbing all over the walls, literally, asked how I wanted to proceed in Luke’s evaluation. “There are three options that we have here,” he said.. “We can do nothing. I can write a letter to his school. Or we can provide medication, although he’s very young.”After I agreed with the doctor that medicating my 5-year-old didn’t feel good to me, a letter requesting special accommodations was written to his school. The letter made its way up the chain of command, and we closed out kindergarten feeling pretty good. I decided to volunteer in Luke’s first-grade classroom, where I witnessed his peers merely “tolerating” him and his exuberant energy. It was very sad. Near the end of that school year, his teacher pulled me aside to tell me that she was going to have to hold Luke back. In first grade?! “But I’d love to have him in my class again,” she said. When I asked her about the letter, her reply was, “What letter?” Broken-hearted, I went home and called my mom. “There must be something we can do!” she retorted. That’s what started our intense search into what rights parents have when it comes to special education and their children. We got Luke an IEP (Individualized Education Program) evaluation by the skin of our teeth that year. Quite literally it was accepted the last week of his school year and put into effect during second grade. Nothing cataclysmic happened that year, although he did run his mouth, which prompted a counselor to reach out to me. The IEP was in effect, and it appeared to be helping him. Luke’s third grade year was a doozy. Not only was it leading into 2020 – and we all know what happened in the spring of that year! – but prior to the pandemic his third-grade teacher casually responded to my question about Luke being at risk of not moving on to fourth-grade with, “We can’t legally hold him back.” That was also right before she pulled me aside to suggest that I put him on medication. “I’ve seen hundreds of kids come through my classroom, none of them would benefit from medication as much as Luke.” A Distance Learning Was a Positive My chance to see the silver lining in all of Luke’s academic turmoil, came during the pandemic. To my surprise we started off on our distance learning journey strong and steady, wrapping up his third grade year having completed nearly 100% of all his schoolwork. We eased into fourth grade confident that we could tackle what lies ahead, unaware that the school systems spent their 2020 summers trying to “fix” the disarray and glitches of distance learning. Somehow in doing this, they thought that students with IEPs needed more work and more Zooms, which was quite the contrary. In fact, sometimes his Resource Specialist Program teacher and his regular teacher would overlap Zoom sessions. It was a mess and Luke got so overwhelmed and riddled with anxiety, that he would make himself sick. When it happened twice one week over two totally unrelated things, we decided to take him to a child psychologist, who confirmed that he met the qualifications to receive Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) services and was slightly on the autism spectrum (they call it a spectrum for a reason!). How did this mother get things on track? See Part Two in our Special Abilities page in December.

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Huggy Wuggy

growingupsc — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 19:11:04 +0000

He Hugs You to Death Is Huggy Wuggy too Scary for Kids? by brad Kava It was supposed to be a cultural trip to San Francisco, and it was, until we passed some flea market booths near the wharf. There, Parker saw what became his obsession—a Huggy Wuggy backpack. Normally, I monitor what he watches, but this one escaped me. It sounded so innocent, and so what if Huggy Wuggy looked a bit monstrous—the Muppets are also monsters of a sort. “You know he’s a serial killer,” Parker asked after we’d negotiated our way around several booths that were loaded with the blue character backpack and found one for $15. “What?” “He chases people and kills them. But don’t worry. He’s not scary.” Say what? The game is described by its creators: “Set in an abandoned 1990s toy factory, game players confront Huggy Wuggy, Mommy Long Legs, and other toy characters while solving puzzles and working to survive in the creepy setting.”I decided to throw it out to parents on the Growing Up in Santa Cruz Facebook page and got a variety of answers, you’ll see below. I also did some research on the Interwebs and found out Huggy is a character in the Poppy Playtime games, which were part of the first game created by an enterprising team at Enchanted Mob and is an international breakout. You can find Huggy and friends all over the world and it has been searched more than 2 billion times, but not without some controversy. Some think the innocently named characters are deceptive and fool parents into letting children who are too young get involved in a horror game, where, as its theme song says, Huggy will “squeeze you till you pop.” While the game itself is fairly timid, police who monitor kids on the internet are concerned that fan-made videos using the same characters are way too much for kids, who will stumble on them doing basic searches. “Due to the name of the character, these videos are often ‘slipping through the net’ of platforms’ safeguarding measures like content filtering and age-restrictions,” warn police officials in Dorset, U.K. They warn that it has inspired playground violence. Teen Gamer Response by brad Kava When discussing survival-horror games or horror games in general, the majority of it all leads back to one franchise that blew up the whole survival-horror scene.Five Nights at Freddie’s was originally released on August 8th, 2014. With the use of phenomenal sound design to seemingly simple and easy controls, that managed to flesh out the game to still be horrifying yet marketable. Without getting too much into the details of Scott Cawthon’s career or the franchise, he managed to take his failed past attempts at children’s video games, which were scrutinized for his terrifying style, and made a success with the phenomenon that is Five Nights at Freddie’s. With all of that success, like most games, Five Nights at Freddie’s has plenty of communal issues, from the outrageous amount of low-effort fan games, to the childish community. But a lot of the hate these communities get comes down to the over-commercialization of horror games, which directly results from what made the games so popular in the first place. Kids obviously gravitate towards bright stuff, and YouTubers gravitate towards big trends, hence why young kids are exposed to so much of this. A lot of the content aimed at kids takes games like these and effectively compresses them, and content creators milk that content as much as they can. With all of this shoved down your child’s ears, you’re destined to come across backpacks, or shirts; it’s the same thing repeated across the industry time and time again. If that all clears up where games like ‘Poppy Playtime’ comes from and why they’re so big, I’ve said enough. Teen Gamer Response Tami SpauldingWhen I first saw children playing Huggy Wuggy on the playground at school, it looked so innocent. Until a few months later, I had two brothers begin to act out very aggressively at recess. After investigating the root cause of this change in behavior, it all lead back to the unsupervised amount of time viewing of Huggy Wuggy. It’s a terrible & sneaky way of luring young children into a furry character that is not friendly and wants their last breath! I’m glad someone is going to write an article about this! Alexander LopezI think parents are having to work harder to make ends meet in these trying times and so they are not able to monitor kids the way they were in the 90s and 00s, hence the kids get exposed to content that was there before but was out of their reach. Honestly if you are a parent and you are concerned you have to either live with no games, or buy your kid different games, Zoo tycoon is non violent and very enjoyable. Jamie Hendriksz5 year olds pretend to play these characters. It makes me insane that some parents have no idea what they are allowing their children to play with. Ben FinkeJust know what you’re getting into–do a little research. Online games are more up to player interpretation, like roblox. Offline games are more strictly defined by the game’s publishers. Otherwise, dependent upon age of course, be ready to talk to your kids about real life things. You can’t shelter them forever, and in fact talking to them and letting them think about it with you might build trust and respect Kayla WellsOmg, my son is in love with Huggy wuggy. He asked me to get kissy missy too. Cassandra LockwoodI will fight to bring them down and these kinds of things taken down Faith EppardMy kids (6 and 8) love poppy playtime. Yeah it’s creepy but it’s not as crazy violent as everyone is saying. Make sure you take time to see what your kids are playing and if you don’t like it, restrict it. I’ve watched poppy playtime with my kids and I’m fine with it. I loved horror when I was a kid. Dottie CantuMy nephew, 7 has the Huggy Wuggy Stuffy. His mom and momma don’t have a problem with him having it. I’ve seen all the characters, and he is well aware that they are not real and not scary. They are just a phase, like that one game everyone was so crazy about; the one with the giant Korean Doll shooting people. Some kids I know went to school that year as some of the characters for Halloween. We can’t shelter children these days. Today’s society is much different from when most of us were growing up. Then life was simple and safe. We played outside until the street lights came on. We sat down, as a family, for meals and spent time watching tv as a family, whether it was a movie night on tv, or a favorite tv show. Children of this century spend all day on their phones, tablets, laptops, and video game consoles; some are even lucky enough to own a Nintendo Switch with games. It is hard to get them to go outside without them complaining about it being too hot or that there is nothing to do. They want, want, want monetary things, without consideration on how much/ expensive things are. My nephew, 7, always wants Mcdonald’s and Yes, my mom; his Nana always gives in, every time. Kids these days are very spoiled and very disrespectful. Read More Parenting Articles

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Defining Gender

growingupsc — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 15:27:04 +0000

Banned in Florida, but Freely Talked About Here Gender Isn’t Always What You Think It Is By Suki Wessling Most of today’s parents grew up with what’s called the gender binary, which assumes the existence of two distinct genders. Most of today’s kids learn about changing gender norms from their peer groups, for whom gender is seen as fluid and as a spectrum. But for many families when they’re at home, gender is simply not an issue…until it is. “My child is 14 and was assigned female at birth, and that’s how we raised this child—as a female, you know? Because that’s how it’s done.”Goldi’s child came out as nonbinary (neither completely masculine nor feminine) at 13. “He was immediately ready to socially transition” “He wanted me to tell everyone: he wanted the teachers to know on the Zoom, he wanted grandparents to know. It was just like, tell them my name, and there was no ‘I don’t know’.” Isabelle (a pseudonym) had a child who had shown a preference for masculine presentation since first attending transitional kindergarten, but it was during the initial pandemic shutdown at the age of 6 that he asked to be referred to as a boy.“The issue of gender hadn’t occurred to us yet.” “I remember my daughter at the time telling me about one older student who was using they/them pronouns and referring to themselves as nonbinary. I thought, ‘I don’t even know what that is.’ Two years later my child said, ‘I don’t feel like a girl or a boy and I want to change my name and cut my hair.’ None of it was shocking but it was surprising to me.” Grey (a pseudonym) and her husband had suspected that their child was gay, but were taken by surprise when the teen asserted a nonbinary identity just before high school. Is it biological or is it cultural? Is it a new binary or a spectrum?The first question that comes to many adults’ minds is where their child’s wish to change their gender expression comes from. Research shows that young children who persist in asserting a gender identity different from the one assigned at birth almost universally keep that identity through adulthood. In fact, studies of transgender adults’ brains show clear affinities for their gender of preference.“Our real estate agent asked me, ‘Where do you think he got this idea from?’” remembers Isabelle, whose young child has expressed a persistent gender identity. “It definitely felt offensive when she asked.” However, many young children don’t know how to verbalize what they are feeling. These children are more likely to try to fit in and then come out during the tumultuous years of puberty when so many other changes are happening.“My child was able very quickly to start high school with a new gender identity and new name,” Goldi says, remembering how quickly her fears were calmed after her teen’s sudden announcement. “After being at home for two years in the pandemic, I think it was really easy for my child.” But the widening of the gender spectrum to include nonbinary and other genders has come so quickly that there’s no knowing how many of these teens will stay exactly with the gender they express first.Grey, for example, doesn’t feel that she has any problem with her child’s expression of gender. But because her child seemed content as a girl, Grey wonders if her teen will drift to a more standard gender expression as they mature. “I come from a very liberal family, very supportive of gay rights and trans people, but this idea that there’s a middle, a not-male not-female, has been harder for us to adjust to.” Acceptance and support makes a huge differenceFor many parents, acceptance is the default and is non-negotiable. However, parents who find the new gender norms harder to swallow are often swayed by the clarity of mental health research: Children whose families accept and validate their gender expression show much better mental health outcomes. In fact, studies show that around 40% of transgender young adults whose families are not supportive attempt suicide. “I’d much rather have an alive transgender child than a dead daughter, you know?” Goldi says matter-of-factly. “We all just tried to come as quickly as we could to a place of acceptance.” That said, Goldi reminds parents that it isn’t necessarily going to be easy for them. “As I’ve learned more about kids coming out in this way, I think all of the emotions and thoughts and worries and concerns I had were very, very normal for a parent.” “I consider myself to be progressive and supportive, but I still struggled, I cried,” Isabelle remembers. “I loved his name that I gave him; I loved having a daughter.” Will changing norms foster more acceptance of gender variation?Goldi laughs when she recounts giving her child a “fancy French name” at birth. Naming aside, she could cite example after example where she and her children’s teachers put huge gender assumptions on the children. Isabelle’s experience with a young trans child has led her to notice all that gender pressure. “The tomboy girls think the girly girls are lame and they’re like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to play with these girly girls.’ Some of that is internalized sexism.”Further, she points out that boys are subject to much stricter demands than girls, who can wear jeans and a t-shirt or a dress as they desire. “Boys are teased or misgendered if they’re wearing pink, purple, if they have long hair.” Grey criticizes the media for focusing on “sexuality” when reporting on how gender is taught in schools. She points out that young children hear about “love” and “families,” but not sex. “When we hear someone’s gay, people immediately picture them naked, instead of, ‘you’re gay, you love this person’,” Grey points out. “It immediately goes to genitals. That’s making me crazy. [Gender] just can’t be separated from sex for some people.” These moms show that the more adults learn about the gender spectrum, the more they understand where young people’s attitudes are coming from. “My niece just had a gender reveal party and I just laughed,” Grey recounts. “Congratulations on what you think is a boy. You just never know what you’re gonna get!” Resources:Our local TransFamilies Support Group offers support to parents: TransFamiliesCA.org The Diversity Center offers youth groups and information: DiversityCenter.org The Trevor Project offers trustworthy factual information and support for queer young people: TheTrevorProject.org What is gender? What is sex? What is sexuality? Experts say that gender is what’s between your ears (how you think about yourself), sex is what’s between your legs (usually identied at birth), and sexuality is how you relate to others sexually (which can be fluid). But scientifically speaking, none of these categories is as solid as you might think. Gender: Although some people stay firmly in one area of gender expression, societies have always included people whose gender expression was harder to define or depended on context. Sex: Biologically speaking, it is an extreme simplification to say that there are two sexes. Intersex people (who have ambiguous genetalia or other hormone-related variances) are as common as redheads. Sexuality: Although a solid percentage of any society is firmly hetero/homosexual, people exist on a continuum and change throughout their lives. There is simply no evidence for all people having a single “sexual preference” throughout their lives. Read More Parenting Articles

The post Defining Gender first appeared on Growing Up in Santa Cruz.

Raise a Water Wise Kid

growingupsc — Wed, 30 Mar 2022 18:07:28 +0000

Raise a Water Wise Kid! Let’s Enter Another Year of Drought with a Positive Outlook By Suki Wessling I have to admit, it’s very easy to feel dispirited about entering yet another summer in a drought that’s now in its third year. But research shows that a positive focus on how we can help makes us more likely to take successful action to solve a problem. So instead of getting bummed out, let’s work on energizing our families to learn more and become Water Wise Kids. How bad is it?On the bright side, Santa Cruz is one of the few counties on this end of the state that are water-independent. That means that we combine enough water from underground and surface sources for residential, business, and agricultural use. More good news is that our huge December storms put us in a better position than we were in last year, which was critically dry, and the year before, which was particularly warm. But the fire damage to our water systems in the mountains, combined with lower diversions from streams during the dry winter months, is adding up to a problem for many residents of North County.“We’re at 25% of normal in terms of stream flow,” says Sierra Ryan, Water Resources Manager for County Environmental Health. “For everybody who gets water from a surface water source, this is going to be a particularly dry summer.” Mid- and South-County residents, who largely get their water from underground sources and recycled water for agriculture, will be under less direct pressure to conserve. But indications are that what we now call drought is likely to persist into the future of our changing climate. Since we’re all in this together, we need to look for a future of lower water usage. What can we do?Lots of us feel like we’re already doing what we can do. I can tell you that in our house, we celebrate every month when our water bill shows that we’re among the water-wisest of our neighbors. But that celebration can also lead to a feeling that it’s someone else’s problem. It’s not. As parents, the biggest thing we can do is raise water wise kids. Sierra Ryan, mom of a three-year-old, has some advice. “I think it’s easy to start young and talk about it,” she suggests. “My daughter likes to run the sink and splash in the water so I remind her water’s precious and we have to protect it.” Even more importantly, Sierra says, is to practice what we preach. “It’s more about demonstrating rather than educating. If you’re hand-watering your plants, you never leave the water running when you do the dishes, and if you talk about water, they’ll pick that up.” Gamify!Ever wonder why kids love videogames so much? It’s because game companies have spent enormous amounts of money figuring out how to hold people’s attention. There are lots of low-tech ways you can gamify water use:Hourglass shower timers can help your kids see how long their showers are. Make a fun game out of challenging kids to find new ways to hand wash dishes with less water. If you catch cold water in buckets for use outside, assign each child a plant to keep alive with their shower water. At bedtime, try a “dirty enough?” detective game, keeping clothing that’s not dirty to wear another day. Check out our Water Treasure Hunt that you can cut out and do with your family. The good newsSanta Cruz County is making significant strides in planning for a water wiser future. The recycled water plant in Watsonville that sends treated water to fields has cut water usage by agriculture dramatically—and recycled water use continues to grow. Planning and building for aquifer-replenishing projects is underway and will be coming online across the County in the next few years. And County residents are generally aware that there’s no going back. More and more gardens are being replanted with drought-resistant plants, and more families are raising kids who consider water the precious resource that it is. Let’s join together to be Water Wise and kind to this earth. Resources:epa.gov/watersense/watersense-kidsThis family website has an online game, activity sheets for kids, and tips for parents.watersavingtips.org/Water Saving Tips for Santa Cruz county Suki Wessling is a local writer, educator, and mom of two grown children. Read more and listen to her podcasts at The Babblery, babblery.com. Librarians Recommend Picture BooksWaterBy Frank AschI Know the River Loves Me = Yo sé que el río me amaBy Maya Christina Gonzalez (bilingual)The Aquanaut by Jill HeinerthIllustrated by Jaime KimWe Are Water Protectors(2021 Caldecott Medal)By Carole LindstomIllustrated by Michaela GoadeThe Water Princess by Susan Verde Illustrated by Peter H. Reynolds NonfictionThe Water Lady:Darlene Arviso helps a thirsty Navajo Nation By Alice B. McGintyIllustrated by Shonto BegayHey, Water!By Antoinette Portis This Raindrop has a Billion Stories to TellBy Linda RagsdaleIllustrated by Srimalie BassaniWater Music:Poems for ChildrenBy Jane YolenPhotographs by Jason Stemple FictionSplash Day! By Nick Sharratt. Thanks to SCPL Librarians: Essy Barroso-Ramirez, Jacqueline Danziger, Rowan Rammer,Julie Soto, and Catherine Upton. Water Treasure HuntLet’s go on a Water Treasure Hunt! Each question below will require some research and then an optional field trip. Where does your water come from? Visit the source of your water. If you have a well, learn more about how it works. If your water comes from a pumping station, you’ll have to find it—and then find out where the station gets its water. Where does your water go to?Find out what happens to water that goes down your drains and toilets. If you have a septic system, find out where the truck goes after it pumps your tank. If you are on a sewer, learn more about your water treatment plant and what happens to the treated water. What is the nearest natural source of fresh water to your home?Go find it and consider how it interacts with the land your home is on. Do the chemicals you use in and outside of your home affect the nearby water? Is the water coming from your taps being drawn from that water source? What days and times do you use the most and least water?Go to your water company’s website and find out. Consider what you can do to use less during those times. If you have any water-guzzling appliances, learn more about water-efficient ones. Read More Parenting Articles

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Parenting

growingupsc — Mon, 28 Feb 2022 17:48:52 +0000

Summer Jobs for High Schoolers By Jeanette Prather There are the classic high school summer jobs that might include a smaller retail position, tutoring, babysitting and the food industry. However, in the questionable times we’re living in with ongoing employee shortages, less willing capable workers and more ample excuses, creative options are a must… for everyone. Most summer jobs for teens range between $10 and $25 per hour, according to Indeed.com. Indeed suggests grocery store cart attendant, movie clerk, cashier, lifeguard, housekeeper, automotive detailer, stocking associate, delivery person, lawn care specialist, dog walker and swim instructor as plausible high school summer jobs. Conventional-ish Santa Cruz Jobs Almost everyone from Santa Cruz has had an encounter with working at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, usually through the Seaside Company and/or Whiting’s Foods. One local high school student, Ayla Ferrell, is among those who say she had a “wonderful experience at the Boardwalk!” They offer an array of experience and opportunities, all available at Beachboardwalk.com/jobs/ La Posada Retirement Community, offers local 14-year-olds a first-time job experience in the dining hall as a busser and/or room delivery staff (depending on your rotation for the evening). Back in 1999, when the minimum wage was $5.75, this was a thrilling prospect. Now, with California at a $14 minimum (federal government still at $7.25) it’s at least up with the times for a more lucrative option to high school students. More information about La Posada hiring procedures is available at laposadaretirementcommunity.com/contact-us. The Santa Cruz Children’s Museum of Discovery has an array of job opportunities at sccmod.org/job-opps. The Teen Trail Maintenance Aide Program, and the Sports Division are other great resources for students, according to Amanda Ares, the City of Santa Cruz Parks and Recreation Coordinator. For info about the trail maintenance contact Blake Woessner at bwoessner@cityofsantacruz.com and for sports positions, contact Daniel Lawson-Thomas at dlawson-thomas@cityofsantacruz.com.” Camp Counselor Positions Four Points Youth Camp is hiring five counselor positions, all ranging between $16 and $17 per hour. The positions include arts and crafts, S.T.E.M., games, sports and support counselors. For details: fourpointsyouthcamp.com/joinourteam. The City’s Junior Leader Program is open to teens 16-18 who want to volunteer at its Summer Camps programs to learn job skills and gain confidence in a workplace setting while having fun. Many of the volunteer Junior Leaders become paid staff when they reach an eligible age. For more info search Santa Cruz Junior Leader Program The City’s summer camp programs hire paid staff starting at 15.5 years of age. Some positions stretch year round. Three camps are hiring, not only for summer but during outdoor science camp, as well. The coordinator is MJ (cabinleaderinfo@santacruzcoe.org). The other two are YMCA of the Redwoods at Camp Campbell and Exploring New Horizons at the Redwood Glen Camp and Conference Center. The contacts for these positions are Sasha Gonzalez (cabinleader@ymcasv.org) and Danny Beutler (daniel@exploringnewhorizons.org), respectively. Santa Cruz Teen Center “Santa Cruz Teen Center put on job fairs for teens before the pandemic,” said local mom, Melissa Boose. “My son received his first job at 14 after applying to the Boardwalk during one of the fairs.” The Teen Center will be putting on the fair April 20, 2-5 pm in Laurel Park. It includes resume reviews, job applications and computers to do online applications.. Summer Internships for Teens The Summer Teen Intern Program, through the City of Santa Cruz, offers teens a paid internship through a city department. “In the past, we have had interns placed in PD, Fire, Water, Public Works, The Civic, London Nelson Community Center, The DeLaVeaga Golf Course, City Manager’s Office, Parks & Recreation, etc.” said Ares. “Teen Interns also participate in staff training and bi-weekly staff meetings which also double as education sessions on professionalism, interview skills, résumé creation or updating, etc. Some of our Summer Teen Interns have even gone on to secure year-round temporary positions within the City.” More Resources for High School Students & Families Santa Cruz City Schools offers a step-by-step guide for students and parents seeking more support on how to prepare and where to find jobs through a downloadable employment packet, application resources, interview tips and job offer responses. This employment-seeking resource is available at sccs.net/parents___students/star_works. More of the entrepreneurial mindset? One great website is howtostartanllc.com/young-entrepreneur-resources. Read More Parenting Articles

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