Where do you stand on raising children in a world of TikTok, Snapchat, YouTube, online games, and AI chatbots?
Most parents are in survival mode. We open Instagram for “just a minute,” and suddenly 30 minutes are gone. We hand our kids our phones at a restaurant, in the car, or whenever we need a break.
Parents are tired. Children melt down. And screens work—at least for the moment. But once children learn that a phone relieves boredom, frustration, or loneliness, it becomes harder to put the genie back in the bottle.
The numbers should alarm us. Pew Research Center reported in 2024 that nearly half of U.S. teens say they are online “almost constantly,” up from 24% a decade earlier. Common Sense Media found that 40% of children have their own tablet by age 2.
This is not just “kids being kids.” This is the new business model.
One of my former students earned a degree in game design. In 2018, he interviewed with major gaming companies. They wanted to know: Could he help design a game so compelling that players would keep playing instead of eating, going to the bathroom, doing homework, or going to school? These are not side effects. These are the goals.
Apps, games, and platforms are intentionally designed to capture and hold children’s attention. Infinite scroll, autoplay, streaks, likes, notifications, personalized feeds, and algorithmic recommendations are carefully engineered hooks.
The U.S. Surgeon General has warned that adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of poor mental health outcomes. The CDC also found that frequent social media use was associated with higher rates of bullying, sadness, hopelessness, and suicide risk.
It’s not that social media causes every mental health crisis. But we can no longer pretend that constant exposure to addictive design, public comparison, online bullying, sexualized content, and peer drama is harmless.
We have all seen the damage caused by gossip and bullying. But social media gives children tools to humiliate and emotionally wound their peers in seconds. Years ago, one of my students had a painful fight with her best friend. Instead of cooling off, the friend created a website filled with private secrets. Within hours, classmates, teachers, and even the principal had seen it. That is not childhood drama. It is emotional trauma that can lead to severe depression, self-harm, and even suicide.
Governments are beginning to respond. Michigan’s “Kids over clicks” bills aim to restrict addictive feeds, limit notifications, reduce collection of children’s data, and place guardrails around AI chatbots. Australia has gone further, requiring major social media platforms to block children under 16.
So What Can Parents Do?
Refuse to normalize constant access. Do not use the phone as the default pacifier. Keep phones away from meals and bedrooms. Set up a family charging station outside sleeping areas. Turn off notifications. Delay smartphones until high school, and then set rules about when, where, and how long they may be used. Use parental controls, but do not rely on them as a substitute for supervision. Know what your child is watching, what games they are playing, and who they are talking to. Teach them about algorithms and how companies make money by targeting them.
Most importantly, replace screens with something better. Children need books, pets, chores, art supplies, music, sports, nature, board games, cooking, gardening, and face-to-face friendships. Teens need purpose, meaningful projects, volunteer work, and trusted adults who listen.
When my daughters were growing up, I did not allow video games in our home. When they visited friends, they may have tried the games, but because they had not practiced for hundreds of hours, they quickly lost interest. Even today, neither of them plays video games. Was it easy? No. Parenting rarely is. Children do not need overwhelmed parents who blindly follow trends. They need parents willing to protect them.
This is not about blaming parents. It is about sharing insights. We are raising children in a world where childhood itself has been hijacked by corporate greed.
The good news is that families can change course. Children’s boredom opens doors to curiosity and expands their imaginations. Teens can rediscover sleep and engage with like-minded friends. Families can reclaim dinner tables, bedrooms, car rides, and weekends. Communities can support legislation that protects minors from addictive design.
Our children are being outmatched by technology designed to overpower adult self-control, let alone a developing brain. They need us to step in. Set the rules. Hold the line. Offer better alternatives.
Susan Tatsui-D’Arcy is the founder of Merit Academy (one-on-one classes and Merit Educational Consultants (college and educational advisory). She has written books on projects, free child care, education, and parenting. Susan hosts TEDxMeritAcademy for students to present their innovative projects and solutions. In 2019, she was California Mother of the Year.
