It Is Always Hard to Say Goodbye

In January of 1998 I was invited to write a guest article for Debbie Friedman’s Growing Up in Santa Cruz column, Birth Matters. Debbie quickly, and generously passed her column on to me, where I have been fortunate to be able to share my thoughts on birth related topics in this space for over 25 years.

I came to this column having given birth in a hospital, freestanding birth center, and at home. I already had 18 (of my 44) years as a La Leche League Leader under my belt, together with my work as a childbirth educator and doula I felt I had some insight into what mattered in birth.

Around this same time, The Mother Friendly Childbirth Initiative (MFCI) was created by the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services. I was part of a local group who created Birth Network of Santa Cruz County, the first nonprofit to organize around the MFCI, and became its executive director in October 1998. In 2006, at age 50, I earned my LM and became licensed to practice midwifery in California, providing homebirth services to local families.
I have recently retired from La Leche League, midwifery, doula work, and childbirth education. My children have grown. I am now a grandmother and through the magic of blended families a great-grandmother, as well.

After 26 years of monthly columns, I find myself struggling to come up with new topics. It is time for a new voice to take up this column and continue the goal of protecting and preserving the importance of childbirth as a unique experience with the power to profoundly affect families.

Our community has seen many positive changes over the past quarter century. Most babies now experience immediate skin-to-skin contact and delayed cord clamping at birth. All three hospitals now offer midwifery care, and we have a freestanding birth center along with homebirth options. The availability of lactation support through hospitals, local clinics, nursing mothers council and WIC have increased. Donated breastmilk is available to babies in need through the Mother’s Milk Bank. Families are finding new and inclusive areas of support in our community.

As I continue as the director of Birth Network, and a member of the local breastfeeding, and perinatal mental health coalitions, I hope to continue with occasional contributions to Growing Up in Santa Cruz in the future. Thank you, Growing Up editors and readers, for your support through the years.
I thought it would be fun to look back on an excerpt of that very first column. (*Note, my current writing is more inclusive of all families.)

Thoughts of a Doula
As a doula I see the special tenderness and loving exchanges between a woman and her partner and see the joy a new baby brings. I love to hear a woman say victoriously, “I did it!” after she gives birth.
Moms will often tell me that they couldn’t have done it without me. Of course, she could have, and I tell her so, but I know what she means. She means that without my help she might not have been free to trust her body to birth her baby.

She means that without my encouragement she might have forgotten to drink frequently to stay hydrated enough to avoid an IV.

That she might never have tried that strange position that made contractions so much better. That without my moaning out loud with her, she might not have felt liberated enough to do it at all and it turned out that moaning was the one thing that helped her cope.

When a dad turns to me with moist eyes and a big “thank you”, I know that he appreciated my calm presence. It can be a deciding factor in his calmness, as he feels the intensity of birth pulling at his confidence.

Dads can be a little put off by labor, and while happy at first to sit and hold a hand, or whisper words of loving support, as labor progresses, he may find himself participating in levels he may never have considered possible without the subtle encouragement of the doula. And there are times when I see a shocked look in dad’s eyes as his wife groans loudly and sways with the intensity and power of her contractions. I can meet his eyes with calm reassurance and with one look let him know that this is normal, this is expected, this is birth.

Birth Network of Santa Cruz County – birthnet.org
Laura Maxson – midwife @ scshop.com