Growing Up in Santa Cruz

Tips to Avoid Common Parenting Traps

Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo — Fri, 24 Apr 2026 14:41:48 +0000

April is the Month of the Young Child and Child Abuse Prevention Month, so it’s a good time to reflect on what it takes to raise happy, healthy, resilient children who thrive throughout life. Parenting is a non- stop job full of joy, struggles, love, worries, pride and stress. Every parent I know, including myself, has needed guidance and reassurance at some point. Yet many parents are hesitant to seek support, out of fear of being judged or shamed. It shouldn’t be that way. I hope that one day seeking support for parenting becomes just as automatic as breathing air. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world- renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Yesenia, I love my kids (2, 4) but am worried I’m not a good parent. I grew up with a perfectionist mother who criticized everyone – including herself – and wasn’t affectionate or encouraging. My dad lost his temper easily and yelled a lot. Now I’ve become a perfectionist and a yeller. It’s causing tension (and more yelling) between my husband and me. I want to change but don’t know how. Can you help? ~ Martha Dear Martha, You are not alone! Being a parent is an important and challenging job. Most parents start this lifelong job unprepared, and even the most loving parents get exhausted, frustrated or caught in “parenting traps” that create more stress. Here are a few common traps and tips to avoid them:Perfect Parent Trap: Many parents have unrealistic expectations of themselves or believe there is only one right way to parent. The pressure to be perfect tends to increase feelings of stress, disappointment, guilt and frustration. It can also lead parents to have unrealistic expectations of their children’s abilities or behaviors and teach children they need to be perfect, too. Tip: Remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent or child. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your children, and allow yourselves to learn through trial and error. Get support from your partner, friends, family, neighbors or community agencies. If it’s difficult to ask for or accept assistance, just remember that everyone needs help with parenting at some point in their lives. Escalation Trap: This happens when a parent says “no” to something – such as candy, screen time or a later bedtime – and the child responds by whining, begging, arguing or having a meltdown. The child becomes louder, angrier or more argumentative until the parent gives in. This increases the chance that the child will repeat these behaviors in the future to they get what they want. The escalation trap also can happen when a child ignores a parent’s instructions until the parent yells, criticizes or threatens the child with punishment. Although children might comply with their parents’ wishes, they often learn to ignore parents until the adult has become angry or frustrated. This can lead parents to believe criticism, threats and yelling are the only way to get their children’s attention. Tips: Establish a few simple, fair family rules with your children. Talk about which rules are non-negotiable and in what situations the rules might be flexible. Discuss what the logical consequences will be if they choose not to follow the family rules. Give clear, calm instructions, then give your child time to cooperate. If needed, repeat your instruction once and be ready to follow up with the logical consequence. Take deep breaths so you can remain calm and matter-of-fact. This will help prevent you from resorting to threats, bribes, begging, yelling or giving in. Leave Them Alone Trap. When parents ignore their children’s positive behaviors, those behaviors are less likely to occur. Or, if parents only pay attention to their children when they misbehave, children learn that the best way to get their parents’ attention is to misbehave or act out. Tip: Spend brief and frequent quality time with your children each day. Talk, read, sing and play together. Give them attention and descriptive praise to show you notice their efforts and appreciate them for who they are. FINAL THOUGHTS: Raising children is a lifelong job with many potential “traps” that make the job harder. A few positive parenting strategies can help you avoid those traps and make it easier to raise happy, healthy children who become independent, capable, well-adjusted adults.

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Queering the Forest

growingupsc — Wed, 22 Apr 2026 03:42:14 +0000

The first time I ever heard the word “gay”, it was met with laughter and ridicule by my classmates. We were in third grade, listening to our teacher read a book about a swan who couldn’t sing like the rest of his flock. I didn’t know what the word meant yet, but I was still old enough to know that staying silent when a “good” joke was told made you stand out. So I laughed with them. Of course, “gay” had been written with its older meaning in mind: happy, carefree, cheerful. Three years later, when I realized I was that thing my classmates had laughed about, I was lucky to be met with open arms by a little pocket of fellow queers at my middle school. For some, grades 6-8 are the worst years of adolescence–rife with vicious social hierarchies and growing pains of the physical and psychological variety. But in that group, lovingly named the “Skittle Squad” for our colorful array of identities, I felt safe. Together we celebrated coming-outs and cartoon crushes, changes in pronouns and messy middle school dating drama. This pocket of safety is exactly the feeling that the Queer Youth Task Force wants to invoke at this year’s Queer Youth Leadership Awards, and it’s all thanks to a small group of students at Pajaro Valley High School (PVHS). Every year, the Queer Youth Leadership Awards (QYLA) partners with a different high school in Santa Cruz County, and this year, as the QYLA Production Intern, I had the honor of working with students from PVHS, who came from the school’s Associated Student Body (ASB) club and Sexuality and Gender Alliance (SAGA) club. I was so nervous before our first meeting together–what if they didn’t care about queer and trans celebration? What if they lost interest and said it was too much work? What if they simply didn’t have the energy? My concerns were blown away by the end of the meeting. These students are passionate, creative, ambitious, driven–and also, very funny. Many of them are balancing the weight of multiple different interests and obligations, dipping into theater, sports, leadership, academics, and of course, the weight of growing up queer and trans at a time where being those things puts a target on your back. These students voluntarily show up to each meeting (which, for the record, happens during a school period that they could be using for anything else) prepared and invested to discuss whatever I bring to the agenda for the day. It’s at these meetings that the students developed the theme for this year’s Queer Youth Leadership Awards: “Found in the Forest”. If you come to QYLA 2026, you’ll hear the explanation for the theme from the students themselves during the show–but I’ll give you the gist here. The theme comes from the saying, “are we out of the woods yet?” And while we aren’t out of the woods yet, not until classrooms or courtrooms stop lighting up at the word “gay” or “trans”, we can still find one another in this wild world. We can take hands, join together, and create our own space to find peace, even if only for a moment. Being queer gives us the opportunity to choose our family trees. In a sense, the bonds we make together as queer people strengthen our ability to withstand even the coldest nights in the forest; we make our own clearings. This theme, created by youth who are living the reality of queerness and otherness of all kinds, emphasizes why the Queer Youth Leadership Awards are still so important. It’s not just an award show, and not even just a celebration. It’s a pocket. It’s a clearing. It’s a time to be gay. I hope you’ll join me at the 29th Annual Queer Youth Leadership Awards (QYLA) on Saturday, May 9 at Pajaro Valley High School in Watsonville at 5:30 pm where we will all be honoring and celebrating queer and trans youth leaders as QYLA nominees & awardees along with their allies. Sophia Garcia, she/they, is a second year Intensive Psychology student at UC Santa Cruz. She got the opportunity to intern at QYLA through UCSC’s Psychology Field Study program. Three awards are presented at the ceremony, the Queer Youth Leadership Award, the Ally to Queer Youth Award, and the Organizational Ally to Queer Youth Award. To read about all of the 2026 nominees and learn more about the awards ceremony, visit QYLA.org or call (831) 427-4004.

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When Nutrition Science Meets Politics

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 04:29:23 +0000

How political and industrial interests sidelined scientific recommendations in the latest USDA Dietary Guidelines, shifting away from plant-forward health advice.

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Chasing Dreams: A Small Book with a Big Heart

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 04:25:40 +0000

A review of Kobi Yamada's 'Chasing Dreams,' an inspiring picture book about a raccoon's journey of courage and aspiration, perfect for readers of all ages.

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How a Children’s Book Sparked a New Kind of River Cleanup

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 04:19:41 +0000

Taylor Lahey's children's book 'Cambio' inspired a unique river cleanup model in Santa Cruz that rewards volunteers with value they can spend at local businesses.

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Thinking of Adding a Kitten to Your Life?

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 04:09:22 +0000

Considering adding a kitten to your family? Learn about budgeting, preparation, and finding the perfect match at your local shelter in this guide by Kay Mackenzie.

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Blooming With Style in Santa Cruz

Malia Fort — Fri, 10 Apr 2026 04:07:06 +0000

Meet three Santa Cruz locals sharing their unique styling tips and personal reflections on fashion, sustainability, and individuality.

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10 Calming Phrases Every Parent Should Know

growingupsc — Mon, 06 Apr 2026 18:55:17 +0000

Spring has sprung, bringing wild energy and big emotions. Discover 10 calming phrases and 5 essential tools to help parents stay composed and model respectful behavior.

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Expression Beyond Words

Tovah Petra Kolodinski — Mon, 06 Apr 2026 18:53:26 +0000

For many children, emotions are not easily put into words. Discover how creative expression through art, music, and movement offers a natural pathway for processing feelings.

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Kids Day Shows the Heart of Downtown Santa Cruz

Brad Kava — Mon, 06 Apr 2026 18:40:41 +0000

I'm totally psyched for Kids Day on May 2 for a number of reasons. First: I have used that day for a decade to measure the health of Downtown, which I'm afraid has too many critics and not enough people appreciating the center of art, culture, music and shopping we have.

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