Ask Nicole - Growing Up in Santa Cruz

Tips for the Teen Years

growingupsc — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 04:30:17 +0000

It wasn’t that long ago that I was riding the wild, twisty rollercoaster called Raising Teens. I remember countless tense discussions with my son in particular, who often felt the rules and schedules at home and school didn’t apply to him. It was stressful and exhausting to stay calm and find a balance between setting age-appropriate limits and fostering independence. I’ll admit I wasn’t always successful, but we made it through the turbulent teen years and now enjoy seeing the independent, responsible, and insightful young adult he’s become. In fact, we’re celebrating him getting his first full-time job in the field that he studied. I’m beaming with pride (and relief)…and biting my tongue to avoid saying, “Get to work on time!” This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email us at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole, I don’t know what to do with my 15-year-old. They want to go out with friends that I don’t know and then give me attitude when I ask where they’re going or who they’ll be with. They say I’m too controlling, but I feel like it’s my job to set age-appropriate limits. We argue a lot, though, and I worry about what it’s doing to our relationship. What can I do? ~ Amalia Dear Amalia, Adolescence can be a hard developmental stage for everyone. The part of the brain responsible for thinking logically, managing emotions, and controlling impulses is still developing. This means teens still need their parents and caregivers to provide guidance, even as they’re pushing them away. It can be challenging for parents and caregivers to remain calm and involve their teens in setting rules and making decisions. They might feel like their teens aren’t ready or responsible enough. Yet this is how teens develop social, emotional, and life skills that will prepare them to become independent adults. Here are some tips to try: Remember there’s a lot going on. It’s common for teens to want more independence and less interference from adults. Teens go through physical, mental, emotional, and hormonal changes that can transform their appearance and moods. Some teens think they know all the answers and are invincible, and therefore don’t need parents to be involved in their business. Other times, teens are exploring different parts of their identities and discovering who they are — which might be different from what they’ve been taught to think, believe, or feel by their family and society. These feelings and experiences can create confusion, discomfort, or internal conflict for teens, but they might not be ready or know how to share this with others. Foster open communication: Create a safe and non-judgmental space for your teen to express themselves openly. Have regular, casual conversations about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Ask about school, their likes and dislikes, friendships, or other topics that interest them. Listen actively and acknowledge and empathize with what they say, even if you don’t agree with them. Avoid discussing discipline, expressing disapproval, or giving advice unless you’re asked. This helps keep the lines of communication open Talk about realistic expectations. Testing limits is a natural part of adolescence. It’s how teens practice thinking for themselves, making decisions, and solving problems. When teens ignore family rules, some parents and caregivers react by becoming stricter about rules and consequences. Others give in to avoid a power struggle. Neither reaction is helpful. Instead, talk with your teen about realistic rules and expectations. Involve them in developing a few family rules about going out with friends that they can agree to follow and that will reassure you they’re safe and responsible. Discuss which expectations are non-negotiable (e.g., keeping you informed about where they are) and which ones are flexible depending on the situation (perhaps their curfew). Encourage independence: While it’s natural to want to protect and guide your teen, it’s also essential to encourage independence and autonomy. Allow them to make their own decisions (within reason) and learn from their mistakes. Offer guidance and support but resist the urge to always say ‘no’ or do things for them. FINAL THOUGHTS: Maintaining open communication and a positive relationship with teens is the most important job parents have during adolescence. It’s easier said than done, but your efforts will pay off for years to come. Nicole Young is the mother of two young adults, who also managed Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program for over 10 years. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Expressing Love Through Quality Time

growingupsc — Fri, 02 Feb 2024 19:09:12 +0000

I loved celebrating Valentine’s Day as a child. My favorite memory is of the Valentine’s “mailbox” that appeared every February. It was a big box that my mom decorated with colorful paper, hearts and lace, with a large slot in the lid. My siblings and I loved “mailing” our cards to each other and trying to guess what was inside the box. Even though we knew it contained cards and candy, the anticipation and curiosity made the Valentine’s celebration feel special. Before I had kids, I vowed to create a Valentine’s mailbox and holiday rituals that would make my own kids feel that special. However, once I became an exhausted parent, all I could do was cover a shoebox with a few stickers. It was a simple version of my childhood Valentine’s mailbox, but somehow my young children still felt the same anticipation, excitement, and joy as they imagined what was inside the box. It was a good reminder that when it comes to love, the simplest acts often have the greatest impact. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole, My wife and I have been so stressed and busy with work and taking care of our 6-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son that we feel like we barely get any quality time together as a family. Do you have any fun but simple activity ideas we can try to reconnect? The kids seem to just want to watch TV or play on tablets these days, and with our busy schedule it’s been easy to let them keep themselves occupied. Martin Dear Martin, It’s understandable how busy schedules and devices can make quality time hard, even more so around holidays. It’s also easy to forget the true purpose of many holidays, like giving thanks, celebrating miracles, or showing love. But small, creative activities can go a long way. Here are some ideas for simple ways to teach your kids about love on Valentine’s Day or any day of the year: Do an activity together without distractions or interruptions. Have a simple Valentine’s celebration at home by playing board games, baking heart-shaped treats, or making homemade cards for loved ones. Turn off electronics and spend time interacting. Have dinner together. Make your family Valentine’s dinner special. Dim the lights, play some music, share favorite memories, and express heartfelt appreciation. Research shows that having regular family dinners has tremendous benefits for children and youth, including better academic performance, higher self-esteem and lower risk of substance abuse and depression. Family meals provide an important opportunity to talk with children about their interests, friends, school, and life. Start a conversation about a topic that has nothing to do with homework, chores, family rules, or daily routines. Ask questions, listen to what they say, and encourage them to ask you questions. This teaches valuable communication and social skills that will help your children in future relationships. Say “I love you” with words, notes, pictures, or texts. Leave sweet notes in lunch boxes on Valentine’s Day. Tuck one under their pillow to make them smile. Text a heart emoji just because. A little love note can brighten their whole day. Parents and children often forget to say these words or say them without genuine feeling. A simple, heartfelt “I love you” is a powerful way to remind each other that you care. If your kids aren’t used to saying these words to you or each other, try turning it into a game or competition to see who can find the most creative or surprising way to leave a loving note, picture, or text. Say what you appreciate about each other. Be specific and sincere. Describe a quality that makes each of them special, such as their sense of humor or creativity. Acknowledge something they’ve done at home to be kind and helpful, like asking how your day was or doing a chore with a cheerful attitude. Set the example of how to express appreciation then encourage them to do the same with you and each other. Over time, this will become a habit. FINAL THOUGHTS: Remember there are many ways to teach children about giving and receiving love on Valentine’s Day and every day. The simple acts of love often mean the most and create the happiest family memories. Don’t underestimate the power of your attention this Valentine’s Day! Nicole Young is the mother of two young adults, who also managed Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program for over 10 years. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Finding Peace and Joy During the Holidays

growingupsc — Fri, 01 Dec 2023 17:45:22 +0000

There have been many devastating events happening the last several years, one right after another. Lives and homes have been lost, and it feels as though the tidal wave of tragedies is relentless. It’s emotionally exhausting, and it’s hard not to get weighed down with fear and sadness every time I read the news.Yet this is also a time of year when many people celebrate holidays that represent hope, peace, and new beginnings. It’s hard to feel the true meaning of these holidays when we’re stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, but Taking Care of Yourself is one of the 5 principles of positive parenting that’s so important – now more than ever. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole, The holidays are approaching, which always stresses me out no matter how much I try to embrace the holiday spirit. I love spending this special time with family, but between working full-time, managing my kids’ busy schedules, and helping my aging parents, I feel constant pressure. I’m exhausted and end up throwing “adult tantrums” when I’ve taken on too much. Do you have any tips to avoid total burnout so I can actually find joy this season, rather than just wishing it would pass quickly? I could really use some advice before the holidays get here. – Rebekah Dear Rebekah,You’re not alone! This is a common issue in many families, and the holidays have a way of magnifying emotions so that even small things become a huge deal. Here are a few tips to try: Notice the early signs of tension and stress in your body, before the “adult tantrum” occurs. Common signs can include: Tense or stiff muscles, headaches, irritability or anger, tiredness, difficulty concentrating, feeling overwhelmed or unable to keep up, and an upset stomach. Use relaxation strategies. When you’re feeling tense or stressed, try to relax your mind and body by breathing in slowly through your nose. When you’ve taken a full breath, pause for a moment, then breathe out slowly through your nose or mouth. Repeat these slow, deep breaths a few times. Or close your eyes for a few minutes and imagine a place that makes you feel peaceful and relaxed. It could be a forest, a meadow, the beach, another country, or a dark room with no one around you. Use your imagination to see every color and hear every sound. Take deep breaths as you envision this peaceful place and imagine your stress leaving your body each time you exhale.Use coping statements. In stressful situations, you might find yourself automatically thinking negativethings about yourself, other people, or the situation that’s happening, which can add to your stress. Try telling yourself some coping statements or affirmations, such as: “I will focus on what is most important this season – my own health and quality time with loved ones.” Or “I will aim for ‘good enough’ rather than perfect when it comes to gifts, meals, and hosting.” Using positive self-talk can help reframe thoughts when you notice tension rising and prevent your stress from escalating further. Remember to acknowledge your efforts, and that joy and connection can happen even when things aren’t going flawlessly.Ask family members for their help. Have a family discussion ahead of the holidays to set expectations around celebrations, gift-giving, sharing tasks, and parenting duties with your partner or co-parent. Making these plans upfront helps prevent conflicts. Talk with your children about how they can be helpful during the holidays. Prepare them for possible changes in their daily routines, especially if you have guests staying with you. Let your children know which family rules can be flexible during the holidays, and which ones they’ll need to follow as usual.Give yourself permission to say no. This can seem impossible for people who are natural-born helpers and thrive when they’re busy. Yet it’s vitally important to take care of yourself so that you have the physical and emotional energy to keep going. Let go of any guilt or fear of missing out when you say no, and notice how it feels to have fewer demands on your time FINAL THOUGHTS: Holidays are both joyful and stressful for all types of families. Take steps to minimize stress and give yourself peace of mind so that you and your family can create memories filled with love, joy, and laughter. Nicole Young is the mother of two young adults, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency, and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Homework Routines Are Your Friend

growingupsc — Mon, 02 Oct 2023 19:30:32 +0000

My children are young adults now, but I still have “homework battle scars.” I remember feeling like our lives revolved around due dates for homework assignments and school projects. I’ll admit I wasn’t always successful at staying calm, especially when I was tired from working and they needed hands-on help from me or procrastinated on starting projects. But as my kids grew older and learned to manage their time and study habits independently, the light at the end of the tunnel grew brighter. My kids learned they were responsible for completing their homework (I wasn’t going to save them), and I learned to trust they would get the work done…even if it was at the last minute. It wasn’t easy, but the effort was worth it. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, please email me at triplep@first5scc.org Dear Nicole,School barely started and I’m already having daily battles with my 7- and 9-year old kids over homework. They goof off, take forever to get their assignments out of their backpacks, and then have a hard time sitting still and concentrating. I lose my patience when it’s bedtime and they haven’t finished their homework, but I don’t want them staying up too late and being tired the next day. How can I get them to do their homework?Charles Dear Charles,Good question! Homework time is a common challenge in many families. It’s often difficult for kids to focus on homework because they’re physically, mentally, and emotionally tired after school. Or kids are ready to do homework, but find the assignments hard, tedious, or overwhelming. They may need help or encouragement, but it’s hard for parents and caregivers to be present and patient when they’re tired at the end of the day. Here are some tips to try: Help your children make the transition from school to home Let them have free time when they get home so they can relax, have a healthy snack, or get their energy out. This also gives you a chance to spend quality time with them and find out how their day went. Agree on the amount of free time they can have and give them a 10-minute “warning” before free time is over so they can start the transition to homework time. Establish a homework routine Set a time for doing homework that works with your family’s schedule. Although the specific time might vary each day depending on other family activities such as work, afterschool care, or extracurricular activities, having a regular “homework time” will help children learn that it’s part of their daily routine, just like eating, getting dressed, and going to school. Arrange a space for each child to do their homework that’s comfortable, has enough room for them to work, and minimizes distractions as much as possible. Set a few simple ground rules that focus on what you want them to do instead of what not to do – e.g. Get all books and supplies ready before starting homework. Finish homework before screen time. Offer “just enough” help and encouragement Stay near your children and check on their progress, but don’t do their homework for them. Give descriptive praise to acknowledge their efforts and progress – “You’ve finished five questions already. Keep up the good work!” If they want your help, ask questions that encourage critical thinking and problem-solving, such as “What do you think that means?” or “Where could you find the answer?” If they have difficulty finding an answer after 1-2 prompts, then provide or guide them to the solution so that they stay engaged in the learning process instead of giving up. If they are overwhelmed by the amount of homework they have, help them break it down into smaller segments that feel more manageable. Let them have a small reward after finishing each segment of homework, such as taking a stretch break or listening to a song. When your children have finished all their homework, let them choose a special activity or game as a reward for completing their homework routine. FINAL THOUGHTS A few positive parenting strategies can help take the hassle out of homework for everyone. If the problems continue, ask your children’s teachers about other school-based assistance or resources that could help determine whether there’s a learning disability or challenge that requires a different solution. Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 23, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Simple Summertime Ideas for Kids and Families

growingupsc — Fri, 30 Jun 2023 19:57:56 +0000

When I was a child, Summer. Lasted. For. Ever. I remember long days that usually began with picking beans and then weeds in the hot sun, followed by endless hours of playing (and bickering) with my siblings in the hot sun. By the end of the summer, I was ready for school to start. Now that I’m an adult, it seems like summer is over in the blink of an eye. I’m enjoying having both of my young adult kids living in my house for the summer – I know that one day I will truly have an empty nest, so I’m trying to remind myself to pause, enjoy the longer days, and be present for and with my family.This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole,My family’s life is hectic during the school year, but summer break is also hard, in a different way. I’m a single parent and work full time, so my kids (5 and 9) have to be in camps or child care every day. I wish I could spend more time with them during their summer break, but I just got a new job and can’t request time off yet. Sometimes our schedules feel just as hectic and tiring as during the school year. What tips do you have for getting through the summer and having fun? ~Melanie Dear Melanie,Many parents have the same dilemma – kids get a welcome break from the school schedule, but parents still have to work every day! It sounds like you already know the importance of arranging safe, interesting, engaging places for your children to be while you’re at work, which is a great starting point. Here are a few other tips to try. Focus on simple ways to connect every dayFor many families, summer means a break from the hectic routine of school, homework, sports, or other after school activities. This often creates more free time in the evening or on weekends, or can make it easier for some children to have later bedtimes. Use these opportunities to spend quality time together and add variety to your daily routines. The simplest ideas are often the best, like having a “picnic” on the floor or outdoors instead of eating at the table, or going on walks or playing games after dinner instead of watching TV. Plan family outings, even if they are just for a few hours or in your hometownBuild a wish list with your kids and encourage them to be creative about where and how you can explore something new together. Again, simple and inexpensive activities are often the ones that create happy memories that last a lifetime.Visit a local museum, go to a park or beach you’ve never been to, attend free outdoor concerts or movies, try a new ice cream or frozen yogurt shop, or visit the library or local bookstore. The possibilities for creating happy memories while strengthening your relationships with your children are endless. Encourage your childrento develop new skills and interestsTalk to your children about what they’re interested in learning or trying, then find activities in the community or things you could do at home. Keep it simple enough that it’s fun for your children and realistic for you. Even teaching your children to make something besides cereal for breakfast can be a positive learning experience and provide them with lifelong skills. Maintain a routineAlthough summertime routines are often more flexible, maintaining some consistency will make life more predictable and easier, especially with work, camp, and child care schedules.It can also help your children get enough sleep and good nutrition, teach your children about time, or give them something to look forward to – e.g., go to the library every Thursday or call a relative every Sunday. It will also help everyone ease back into the school routine once summer is over. Final ThoughtsMany families look forward to summer during the entire school year, only to find that managing everyone’s schedules and spending time together can be more complicated than keeping up with school work! The good news is that there are many ways to be positive parents during the summer that meet our children’s needs. Just remember it doesn’t have to be complicated or cost anything to be effective– keep it small and simple! Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 23, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Tips for Dads and Father Figures

growingupsc — Fri, 02 Jun 2023 15:41:48 +0000

I have many happy childhood memories of my dad playing the guitar and singing, instigating highly competitive family croquet tournaments (which my dad usually won), and teaching my siblings and me how to use tools then creating a “workshop” in the garage so we could experiment with wood scraps — just to name a few. Other childhood memories involve events that were stressful then but hold a special place in my heart now – like the time my dad convinced me to go on an amusement park ride with him and I ended up crying in terror every time the ride dipped and my stomach dropped. I buried my face in my dad’s chest while he held me tight and reassured me it would be over soon (laughing and enjoying the ride the whole time). Whether those memories are filled with joy or fear, I recall how my dad’s words and presence made me feel safe, secure, loved, and cared for. During this month of celebrating and supporting dads, I hope that every child has a dad, stepdad, uncle, papá, foster dad, or other father figure who makes them feel this way, too. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have questions for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole,My partner and I just adopted two siblings – a 5-year old boy and an 8-month old girl. We’ve always wanted to be dads but we’re total newbies. Neither of us had good role models when we were growing up. We want things to be different with our kids, but we don’t know what we’re doing. Got any tips for us? -Sergio Dear Sergio,Congratulations on becoming dads! Fathers and father figures play a critical role in children’s well-being, but it still takes time, practice, and patience to be the kind of dad you want to be. That’s because parenting is hard work and children don’t come with an instruction manual! Here are some tips to try:Spend quality time with your children every day. Find moments throughout the day to give them your undivided attention and affection. Turn everyday tasks such as changing diapers, eating meals, and getting dressed into quality time by giving a hug, smiling, or talking with them. This kind of brief and frequent quality time lets your children know you love and care for them, and that you’re available when they need you. This is the foundation for positive relationships throughout life. Do engaging activities together. This is another way to spend quality time together while encouraging learning, curiosity, creativity, and skill-building. Read books, play games, go on walks, make meals together – these are all things you can do with your children at any age that will become the basis of their happy childhood memories. Do activities that your children are interested in and follow their lead. And yes, this could mean playing endless games of peek-a-boo or reading the same book a million times.Work as a team with your partner. Talk with your partner about the family rules and expectations that matter to both of you, including how you will handle discipline. This will help make sure you’re on the same page as a parenting team before challenges occur. Make time for you and your partner to talk and connect. Be the role model you wish you’d had. Your children are constantly learning by watching and listening to the way you communicate with others, handle emotions, and solve problems – even when it seems like they’re not paying attention to you. Final Thoughts: Being a loving, nurturing, supportive father or father figure supports children’s self-esteem, emotional resilience, social skills, and school readiness, and increases their chances of success in school and other activities throughout life. Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 23, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Self-Care Is Essential

growingupsc — Fri, 05 May 2023 00:54:51 +0000

This year will be the first time in 23 years that I won’t spend Mother’s Day with at least one child in my home. My youngest child is away at college, and my oldest is traveling with a friend (With what money? I don’t know, but that’s a topic for another article.). It’s bittersweet. When my kids were younger and I was an exhausted parent, the only thing I wanted for Mother’s Day was the chance to sleep in and have a break from parenting duties for the day. Now that they’re older and more independent, I would cherish the chance to be woken up by their smiling faces and spend the day with them. But I’m reminded of how overwhelmed and exhausted I felt (still feel sometimes) as a parent juggling family, work, and life – and how important self-care is to prevent burnout and create physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole,I don’t have a question but would appreciate any tips or supportive words. I’m exhausted and running on empty. Dealing with the pandemic and mental and behavioral challenges at home and work has burned me out. I’m losing my patience with my toddler and tween-ager even more than usual and then end up feeling terrible. I feel alone and overwhelmed. I’m not the only one, right? -Carly Dear Carly,You’re definitely not the only one! It takes enormous physical, mental, and emotional energy to be a positive parent. It’s hard to find that energy on a “regular” day, and it’s been very challenging for many parents and caregivers who have dealt with one emergency after another the last few years. It’s natural and common to feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and you are not alone. Here are some tips and supportive words for you (and others who feel the same way): Prioritize self-care. This is crucial, especially when you’re feeling burned out and overwhelmed. Taking care of yourself will help you renew and sustain the energy needed to be present and patient with your family. Take time every day to do something you enjoy and that makes you feel content, whether it’s reading a book, cooking, working on a hobby, going for a walk in nature, or something else. Self-care also includes eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Practice mindfulness. This is a powerful tool for managing stress and reducing feelings of being overwhelmed. It’s about being present in the moment and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you feel stressed, try taking a few deep breaths, focusing on the sensations in your body, or doing a short meditation. Mindfulness can help you stay calm and centered during challenging situations. Strengthen your support system. It’s vital to have people you can turn to when you need help or guidance (and we all could use help and guidance at some point) – whether it’s related to parenting, your own mental well-being, other family relationships, financial needs, child care, school, health care, or other issues. Asking for and accepting help and support from family members, friends, and other people you trust in your personal and work life can help you avoid burnout and reduce stress. If you want to talk with people who aren’t involved in your daily life (i.e., the ones contributing to your stress), consider participating in parenting classes or joining an online parenting community to connect with other parents, get support, and share experiences. This can help you feel less alone and provide you with valuable insights and skills. Take breaks. This is an essential aspect of self-care. Every parent needs time to “recharge their battery” so they have the energy to be a positive, nurturing caregiver. This could mean asking someone to watch your kids so you can take a break from being a parent and spend some time alone. It could also mean taking a break from the hectic pace of daily life and saying “no” to additional activities and commitments that add stress instead of relieving stress. FINAL THOUGHTS: Parenting can be challenging, especially during difficult times. It’s natural to feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Remember that you’re not alone, and it’s okay to prioritize taking care of your own needs so that you can be a positive, nurturing parent for your children. Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 23, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit http://triplep.first5scc.org, http://www.facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Positive Parenting After the Floods

growingupsc — Wed, 05 Apr 2023 05:25:56 +0000

It’s hard to believe that a few months ago, California was still in a deep drought, with many concerns about the lack of water. Now, after multiple atmospheric rivers, many people’s lives have been turned upside-down (yet again) by events they have no control over. It’s heartbreaking to see the devastating impact of the storms and floods on families, many of whom already faced challenges meeting basic needs. While the water may recede, the emotional ripple effects of the loss, disruption, and uncertainty will last a long time.If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole,My family had to evacuate in the middle of the night because of the floods. We had to throw away a lot of our clothes, furniture, and toys because they were damaged. Luckily, my aunt is letting us stay with her until we find another place to live, but it’s crowded and my kids are missing their beds and toys. They’re 4 and 6, and they keep crying and whining that they want to go home. I know they’re scared but I don’t know what to tell them. What should I do? – Margarita Dear Margarita,I’m sorry to hear your family was impacted so severely by the floods. The loss of housing and belongings creates stress and uncertainty that affects the well-being of all family members. Here are some tips to try:Take care of yourself. This may seem impossible to do or the lowest of all the urgent priorities, but it’s important to care for your own physical, mental, and emotional health so that you can care for your family. Take deep breaths, listen to music, cry, be physically active, or do something creative. Doing this every day, even for a few minutes, makes a difference. Provide reassurance and emotional support. Being uprooted from familiar surroundings and routines disrupts children’s sense of security and stability. They may feel a range of emotions, including fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, and grief for the things they left behind, such as their toys, beds, and the place they called home. Some children express emotions with words (so you know what they’re thinking and feeling), while others may express emotions through behaviors — crying, whining, fighting, defiance (which still gives you a clue about what they’re thinking and feeling). Reassure your children that you’re in a safe place, then validate their feelings. Tell them you understand they miss their home and toys and that it’s hard to move suddenly to a new place.Recreate familiar routines. Consistent routines create predictability, which can be very reassuring in stressful times. Try to create daily routines that feel familiar, even while you’re in a different environment. As much as possible, follow your usual routines for waking up; going to school, child care, or work; meals; playtime; family time; and bedtime. Turn those routines into quality time by talking with your children, giving them your full attention, and showing affection. Have realistic expectations. It’s hard and scary for everyone to cope after life-changing events, like a flood. There may be times when you’ll need to adjust your family rules and expectations, schedule, or parenting approach. Remember there isn’t one “right” way to respond to a situation like this, so be patient with yourself and your children if emotions get messy or unpredictable. Having realistic and flexible expectations can help reduce your stress and teach children coping skills they can use throughout life. Seek and accept support. Remember it’s a sign of strength to ask for (and accept) support when you need it. This also helps reduce stress, creates a sense of community and connection, and teaches children about empathy and compassion. FINAL THOUGHTS: Being displaced after a flood can be a traumatic experience for both parents and children. Positive parenting strategies can help parents and caregivers support children’s emotional well-being and resilience, even in the midst of extreme disruption and uncertainty. Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 23, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, facebook.com/triplepscc or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

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Managing Screen Time

growingupsc — Tue, 07 Mar 2023 16:47:08 +0000

Let’s face it. It’s hard to unplug from our screens. Our devices connect us to other people, as well as to fun and useful information, but they can also have a downside. In this month’s column, I’ll share some reminders for managing screen time as a family. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole,We have a toddler, a third grader, and a tween who is growing up fast. If we let them, they’d spend all their time staring at a screen, and there are many days where it feels like that’s the best way to keep the peace. I know they enjoy connecting to friends online, but I worry about what else they’re seeing, what they may be missing, and the example we’re setting for our youngest. Any suggestions? Max Dear Max,Your concerns are understandable and shared by many parents and caregivers. Finding the right balance between rules or limits and gradually increasing independence is a challenge. Teaching children and teens to use screens in healthy, responsible ways teaches them self-regulation skills and prepares them for responsibilities later in life. Here are a few ideas to try: Inform yourself. Technology changes quickly; it’s hard but important to keep up. For example, social media whistleblowers recently exposed how some companies use algorithms to steer children, teens, and adults to harmful content (e.g., searching for exercise routines leads to content that promotes behaviors associated with eating disorders). Ask teachers and other parents or caregivers what kinds of limits they’re placing on children and teens, and why. You don’t have to adopt the same limits but can learn about specific situations to discuss with your own children, such as identity theft or cyber bullying. Talk with your children to understand their screen habits. Show interest in what your children are doing online, keeping in mind that some screen time may be beneficial. Connecting with peers, creating art or music, playing an active game—these can be healthy activities that happen on a screen. Try to avoid lecturing or criticizing them about their digital world. Help your children think ahead and plan for safety. For teens or older children, discuss sharing certain kinds of personal or financial information, how hard it can be to remove information from cyberspace (e.g., social media posts that a future employer might see), what to do about unwanted or explicit messages, or being alert to scams and computer viruses. Thinking ahead to possible consequences is a key life skill and takes practice, so expect some trial-and-error. For younger children, monitoring usage and messages more closely is appropriate. Watch for other problems. Too much screen time can contribute to physical health problems (headaches, lack of sleep) and mental health concerns (depression, anxiety), especially if it increases social isolation, decreases physical activity, or exposes kids to bullying. Ongoing discussions about screen time can help you notice these sooner and intervene. Encourage your children to tell you if any online interactions feel strange or threatening. Help them support others who are experiencing bullying or other online problems. Develop family agreements for screen time. Keep them simple and realistic. Consider setting weekly (versus daily) screen time limits, defining what’s acceptable versus off-limits, and agreeing on rules about when and where screens can be used (e.g., “Put away phones while we eat,” or “Turn devices off by 10 p.m.”). Involve your kids in defining these agreements, how they will follow them, and what will happen if they ignore the rules. Remember that logical consequences, such as temporarily removing screen time privileges, are meant to be a teaching tool versus a punishment. Emphasize that the more your kids can follow the family agreements, the less you have to intervene to enforce the rules. Then set a good example with your own screen time habits. Encourage behavior you want to see more of. When your kids are managing their screen time well, show interest and notice. Ask about the music they’re listening to or thank them for putting away their phones during meals. This helps shift attention to the things your kids are doing well instead of things you wish they would stop doing. FINAL THOUGHTS: Teaching kids about managing their own screen time is one way to help them become confident, competent individuals. Plus, we can all use reminders! Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 22, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

The post Managing Screen Time first appeared on Growing Up in Santa Cruz.

Supporting Mental Wellness

growingupsc — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 07:27:54 +0000

I’m grateful for the little moments that start to feel like pre-pandemic life. Before 2020, I never thought that going to a grocery store or a friend’s house without being afraid to touch things or breathe air was cause for a celebration. But after nearly two years of the pandemic, these “small” things make a big difference. While I’m hopeful that the worst of the pandemic is over, I’m deeply concerned about the extent of the pandemic-related emotional and behavioral health challenges faced by many children, youth, and adults. The holidays can be a challenging time anyway for mental health, so it’s even more important that we care for ourselves and each other at this time of year. This monthly article provides tips for families raising children, based on the world-renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question for a future column, please email triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Nicole,I’m worried about my children’s mental health (they’re 8 and 13). They used to enjoy being around people at home and school, but now they isolate themselves in their rooms and don’t want to go anywhere, especially school. It’s a daily struggle to get them to go to school. I’ve tried talking with them to find out whether there’s a problem with teachers, other kids, or their schoolwork, but they don’t want to open up to me. Do you have any suggestions?Priya Dear Priya,You’re not alone. The emotional and behavioral health of children and teens was of concern before COVID, but the pandemic-related stress, fear, grief, and uncertainty has intensified mental health challenges for kids of all ages. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, emergency department visits for mental health emergencies increased between March and October 2020 by 24% for children ages 5-11 and 31% for children ages 12-17. In early 2021, there was more than a 50% increase in emergency department visits for suspected suicide attempts among girls ages 12-17, compared to 2019. As a result, pediatricians, psychiatrists, and children’s hospitals recently declared a national state of emergency in child and adolescent mental health. So you are wise to pay attention to changes in your children’s moods and behaviors. Here are some tips that may help your family: Continue checking in with your kids. Have “casual conversations” about things your children are interested in—food, sports, clothing, music, social media, their friends, or other hobbies. Keep the lines of communication open, ask questions, and encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings. This can lead to more in-depth discussions about their moods, eating and sleeping patterns, changes in social relationships, difficulties at school, or other issues that are weighing on their minds. Validate their feelings. If your kids open up, then listen, acknowledge their feelings, and thank them for sharing—even if you don’t share the same interests or agree with their opinions. Hold off on trying to reassure them that everything will be fine or telling them the situation is not as bad as it seems. Remember that kids are more likely to believe those words once they feel someone believes them. Simply saying, “I can see you feel strongly about that,” or, “That’s a big emotional weight to carry,” can have a calming effect. Do “family stress busters” together. Go on a walk, spend time in nature, have a family game night, watch a movie, exercise, read, play music, take naps, or do mindfulness exercises together. Do things that make you laugh or just appreciate being with each other. Spending quality time together is a Triple P parenting strategy that builds positive, loving family relationships, which helps “buffer” kids from the effects of stress, anxiety, and depression. Seek help and support from other sources. Schedule a health check-up for your kids with their medical provider. This can help identify any physical, mental, or behavioral health concerns and connect your children to helpful resources such as counseling. Many schools also offer counseling and other resources that teach children and teens tools to manage stress and other emotions. Remember to seek support for your own mental health, too. FINAL THOUGHTS: Life is stressful, even overwhelming at times. If you or your children find that these tips aren’t enough to cope with mental health challenges, contact professionals in your community for additional support. If someone is in immediate distress or in danger of hurting themselves, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text Line (HELLO to 741741). Nicole Young is the mother of two children, ages 19 and 22, who also manages Santa Cruz County’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, the world’s leading positive parenting program. Scientifically proven, Triple P is made available locally by First 5 Santa Cruz County, the Santa Cruz County Health Services Agency (Mental Health Services Act) and the Santa Cruz County Human Services Department. To find a Triple P parenting class or practitioner, visit triplep.first5scc.org, www.facebook.com/triplepscc, or contact First 5 Santa Cruz County at 465-2217 or triplep@first5scc.org.

The post Supporting Mental Wellness first appeared on Growing Up in Santa Cruz.