October 2025 - Growing Up in Santa Cruz

Growing Up and Growing Older

Brad Kava — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 17:06:00 +0000

One of the worst things that happened when raising my son was that no one told us that breast feeding in the middle of the night and not brushing his teeth right then could cause cavities. I wished someone in obstetrics had mentioned that. Instead, we had to take him to a pediatric dentist, where he was put under anesthesia and a great dentist did the work. His mother and I were in tears of fear watching this not quite a toddler on the chair. That’s one of the guiding principles for this magazine ever since. We want to get as much information out to parents as possible. This month we have a pediatric dental column to help with things they might not have told you yet. It’s so important and can be overlooked amongst the trials of child birth. We are trying to cover child rearing experiences for all ages, from birth to grand parenting with content provided by local experts and local writers. You won’t find that in online parent guides or many other magazines, which use syndicated writers. Here you will find everything homegrown in our county, something I’m really proud of. I love this line from our special needs columnist Tovah Petra Kolodinski, who is both a writer and an expert: “In some ways, a newborn experiences the world much like we experience Halloween— loud, unpredictable, and filled with strange sensations.” Perfect for the season, in which we celebrate births and the frenetic end of month holiday. Susan Tatsui-D’Arcy, who is an educator and owns her own school, took a break from more serious topics to bring us a fun Halloween treat. Yum. And we have two of my favorite stories ever: one on the top baby names here in California and in the rest of the country. I find parents’ choices so fascinating. What’s the strangest or most unusual baby name you’ve heard lately? The other piece we love is our fashion column in which writer Malia Fort takes a look at what older and younger people in Santa Cruz are wearing. Love, Love Love. Our finance column also has lessons you’ll keep for a lifetime: the most important being that kids start learning about finance at a much younger age than you would expect. There’s much more here to entertain and teach. Have a great read. PS: As we go to press, we saw major changes in federal and state regulations for pain killers for pregnant women. We’ll investigate with local doctors for the next issue. If you have ideas on the important topic, please send to editor@growingupsc.com Thanks for reading!

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Pet Of The Month

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 16:00:29 +0000

Introducing Princess Cupcake, a 1-year-old ruby-eyed angel with a soft Himalayan coat as delicate as spun sugar. This gentle royal adores attention, especially from kind, slow hands. When granted space in her kingdom, Cupcake bursts into delightful zoomies and binkies, wiggling with joy as if casting little spells of happiness across the land. Once her magical energy is spent, she curls into a regal stretch, drifting into beauty sleep and dreaming of her furever castle. Cupcake is as charming as she is graceful, waiting patiently in her tower for the perfect adopter to share her love. Thanks to the Santa Cruz County Animal Shelter Foundation’s Leave No One Behind Fund, Cupcake’s adoption fee is fully sponsored. Might you be her fairytale ending?

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How Pets Help Kids Learn And Develop

Sarah Krummel — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:58:09 +0000

My now sixteen year old niece would kill me if she knew I was telling this story, but one of my favorite family videos shows her at age seven, sitting cross- legged in her underwear on the living room floor divvying up toys for two patient Labrador retriever mixes. Ethan and Chase were more than content to listen to her work through the logic of a stuffed animal distribution system. Each plushie was presented to a dog for their feedback and then returned to a stool to await the final evaluation and dog assignment. The dogs were most likely thrilled that a human would sit on the floor with them and interact in a calm focused manner, the child, my niece, was emboldened by the audience. “Would you like this toy in exchange for this toy?” The year prior, she had been diagnosed with a lazy eye and prescribed glasses. The new look set her apart in her second- grade classroom, and the reaction from peers was not kind. Like many children suddenly on the receiving end of ridicule, she felt isolated. My sister bought books about friendship, tried to coach her through difficult conversations, and gently encouraged her to seek new friends. But the most effective companionship came from those two dogs offering unbridled attention without condition. Through her stuffed animal exchange system, my niece was unknowingly practicing the building blocks of academic and social learning: patience, problem-solving, empathy, and self- regulation. The coping skills her peers were challenging her to develop were being rehearsed quietly and steadily at home with two loving dogs. Pets And Executive Functioning Educators often talk about executive functioning: the set of skills that includes planning, organization, self-control, and flexible thinking. For children, these skills support learning in school and beyond. They are also notoriously hard to teach directly. But bring a pet into the mix, and suddenly abstract skills become meaningful and rewarding. Consider the following developmentally appropriate activities: Pre-K-Kindergarten: Following a picture chart to feed a cat or walk a dog introduces routine and sequence. Waiting patiently while a sibling takes a turn feeding a pet provides the opportunity to practice self control. Grades 1-3: Planning a birthday party for a pet (complete with invitations, decorations, and maybe a dog-friendly cake) requires foresight, budgeting, and prioritization. Grades 4-5: Designing a training plan with specific steps and goals requires strategy: what behavior comes first? How will progress be measured? At this age, a child can also begin building a balanced daily schedule, weaving together schoolwork, play, chores, and pet care in a way that makes sense to them. Pets And Social-Emotional Growth Equally important is the role pets play in social-emotional learning: developing empathy, self-awareness, and relationship skills. A child who strokes a rabbit gently or lowers their voice to avoid startling a dog is learning sensitivity to the needs of another creature. Pre-K-Kindergarten: Even toddlers can begin by naming what they see: “Oscar looks grumpy” or “Luna is wagging her tail.” These observations seed the empathy they will need for navigating friendships. Grades 1-3: The imaginative planning of a pet’s birthday party isn’t just an organizational exercise, it’s also an expression of affection, a recognition that another being deserves celebration. Grades 4-5: Training plans and daily schedules aren’t only about discipline; they teach reciprocity. A dog sits, the child praises. A pet waits, the child responds. These exchanges model healthy give-and-take, the basis for strong human relationships. The beauty is that pets don’t evaluate. Their feedback comes in a wagging tail, a slow blink, or a gentle nudge. For a child who feels scrutinized by peers or misunderstood by adults, that acceptance can be transformative. A Call To Parents Not every family can adopt a dog or cat, but most can find a way to connect children with animals through volunteering with an adult at a local shelter, fostering small pets, or helping a neighbor with dog walks. This fall, consider signing your child up to read to a shelter dog, help socialize kittens, or reach out to a neighbor for some low stakes pet care. My niece, now in high school, doesn’t divide toys between Ethan and Chase anymore. But she has adopted the calm persistence and playful negotiation she practiced with them. The dogs, in their quiet way, gave her exactly what she needed: the chance to rehearse being in the world. As the largest and most comprehensive animal care and rescue organization in the community, the open-admission Santa Cruz County Animal Shelter takes in about 7,000 animals each year. Government funding is limited, so we depend on our community to sustain our life-saving and pet homelessness prevention programs. The Shelter’s sister nonprofit Foundation helps to cover the costs for core services such as animal control; licensing and rabies vaccinations; safe housing for strays and surrenders; and intervention in animal abuse cases. The Foundation is also proactive in tackling root causes of animal overpopulation and suffering by offering prevention programs, exceptional medical care, humane education and community outreach.

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Train Like A Mother: Staying Strong Safely While Pregnant

Monica Menard — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:55:11 +0000

A mother’s body endures progressive change over the course of the nine months. As her belly grows, alignment shifts naturally and ligaments loosen. This predisposes the body to aches and pains and exercise becomes more difficult when things already hurt. The need to keep the body functional and out of pain during this time becomes a priority, thus a specific approach to exercise will balance out this disproportion. One of the first places mothers turn to for guidance are health care providers who often tell them to “ease into a routine and maintain low intensities” or that “walking and yoga are best.” We should consider if these suggestions are the most helpful during pregnancy. This is not to negate the advice of doctors or to ignore the benefits of walking or yoga, but vague guidelines do not help expectant mothers who need to be doing very specific things. Staying strong while pregnant must include mastering specific exercises and using the correct intensity. Participating in a regular fitness routine is advantageous for both maternal and fetal health. Preparations for pregnancy, and the time beyond, must include training the body for what we repeatedly do. Motherhood involves maintaining good posture with good core strength, lifting heavy loads, bending, reaching above head, single leg strength, and balance. These results require specific efforts. For example, a marathon runner who trains only in good posture expecting to run faster will be a slow runner with excellent posture. Definitely not the outcome they wanted. Mothers, whether they realize it or not, are asking their bodies to run a marathon and need to train for it. Training must include specific motherhood moves. Mothers get up and down many times a day and doing so with a baby is much more challenging. Young children can weigh 35 pounds. So one of several prescribed exercises is the weighted chair getup which helps mothers perform getting up and down many times a day with their little one with greater ease. (See picture) This and many others should be integrated both prenatally and postpartum as long as there are no medical contraindications or pain. This is why walking more or trying yoga are not adequate if you are asking your body to work in very specific ways. Training the body more specifically by performing some of these exercises mentioned is great. But during pregnancy mothers also need to be aware of their workout intensity. Monitoring intensity is important while pregnant but, once again, the guidelines can be vague. What exactly do health care providers mean by low to moderate intensity when they suggest these ranges? The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recommends measuring intensity without fancy monitors or making guesses about heart rate. While heart rate is a well known strategy for determining intensity for the general populations, during pregnancy heart rate is variable and changes due to many factors. To determine safe exercise intensities use the Rate of Perceived Exertion (RPE) scale which relies on listening to your body and how you feel. One would rate their own intensity by grading their efforts with these numeric labels. For example, an RPE of “one” represents no work effort, maybe you’re walking early in pregnancy. A “ten” represents working your hardest by lifting something very heavy that your could only lift once. The best ranges for pregnancy while exercising falls between an RPE of five to seven, which is considered strong intensity. Notice however, these recommendations by ACOG are much higher than the general recommendation. The RPE scale is a better way to listen to your body and gauge the effectiveness of your exercise. Navigating exercise during pregnancy offers a remarkable opportunity for moms to gain strength and give themselves an advantage postpartum. With my first pregnancy, I wasn’t sure where my knowledge and the doctor’s recommendations were in agreement in the gym. For this reason, I made it my goal to understand prenatal and postpartum exercise and educate women. With my specialist certification, I share this knowledge with clients so they can be strong like a mother. Women following these steps can change the negative narrative around having a Mom Bod because it will represent a body that is fit and functional.

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Birth Beyond Fear

Tovah Petra Kolodinski — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:52:54 +0000

October brings with it the crisp air of autumn, pumpkins on doorsteps, and a season of playful scares. Halloween may be about jump-scares and haunted houses, but for many expecting parents, the unknowns of birth can feel far more intimidating than any ghost story. Birth is often portrayed as unpredictable and overwhelming, leaving many people feeling more afraid than excited. Yet it doesn’t have to be this way. By using somatic practices—body- based approaches that ground us in the present—we can prepare for birth with calm, trust, and even joy. Fear is a normal part of anticipating birth. The body and mind instinctively tense when faced with uncertainty. Questions about pain, safety, or how the experience will unfold can quickly spiral into anxiety. When the nervous system is activated in this way, the body may resist rather than open. Birth, however, requires softening and flow. This is where somatic tools become invaluable. They help us regulate the nervous system, release tension, and connect to the innate wisdom of our bodies. Instead of getting caught in the question, “Why am I feeling this?” Somatic practices invite us to shift toward, “What is my body feeling right now?” That small change helps us step out of mental narratives and into direct sensation, where grounding and safety can be found. During my own pregnancies, I discovered the power of somatic preparation. I gave birth to both of my children at home, and while I felt deeply aligned with that choice, it didn’t mean I was free from fear. My first birth had been frightening, and when I became pregnant again, I knew I needed a different approach. One of the most powerful tools I used was visualization. I asked someone with a calm, comforting voice to record a guided track for me, and I listened to it every single day leading up to labor. In those moments, I could imagine my body softening and opening, my baby descending gently, and the space around me filled with warmth and calm. Listening daily gave my body a rehearsal, a way to know what trust and safety could feel like. This practice isn’t limited to homebirth. Whether you are preparing for a hospital birth, a birth center, or home, using a guided track or creating your own visualization can make the unfamiliar feel more familiar and accessible. Grounding through the senses was another key practice. During labor, I intentionally noticed small, tangible details: the coolness of the floor under my feet, the sound of my breath, the steady rhythm of my partner’s hand on my back. These anchors kept me present in my body rather than swept away by fear. For someone birthing in a hospital, grounding might come through noticing the softness of a blanket, the steady rise and fall of your breath, or the reassuring presence of a loved one nearby. The practice is less about the environment itself and more about finding orientation and peace in the present moment. Water was another powerful ally for me. Standing under the shower or sinking into a warm bath created an immediate shift in my nervous system. The sensation of water flowing over my skin brought relief, release, and a sense of ease. For those who use a birth pool, water can create a cocoon-like environment that feels both soothing and protective. Even outside of labor, water can serve as a reset—washing away tension and reminding the body to flow instead of resist. Breathwork was perhaps the simplest yet most powerful tool. Our breath is the bridge between body and mind. Slow, steady breathing helped regulate my nervous system and provided a rhythm to follow through each wave of contraction. I often paired my breath with visualization, exhaling as if I was releasing tension and inhaling as though drawing in strength. Breathwork transcends birth settings—it is available to every parent, in every circumstance. What surprised me most was how these somatic tools extended beyond the birth itself. Bringing a baby home, whether from the hospital or into your own living room, can feel like stepping into another kind of unknown. The sleepless nights, constant feedings, and the overstimulation of a newborn adjusting to life outside the womb can feel overwhelming. The same grounding practices that carried me through birth also helped me stay steady during those early days. When I felt stretched thin, I would take a moment to orient my senses, breathe deeply, or step into a warm shower to remind my body that we were safe. In some ways, a newborn experiences the world much like we experience Halloween—loud, unpredictable, and filled with strange sensations. Parents who can stay grounded offer a nervous system anchor for their child. By tending to our own regulation, we create an environment where our babies can feel secure, even in the midst of chaos. Birth preparation does not have to be about eliminating fear. Instead, it can be about transforming fear into trust. By practicing visualization, grounding, water immersion, and breathwork, we give ourselves tools that support not only labor but also the tender weeks that follow. My homebirths gave me firsthand experience of how powerful these practices can be, but they are not limited to one type of birth. They belong to all parents, in every setting, who long to meet birth with presence, strength, and openness. Birth may always carry an element of the unknown, but it doesn’t have to feel like a haunted house. With the right tools, we can walk into it not trembling, but rooted in the wisdom of our bodies and the assurance that we are capable of moving beyond fear into trust and faith.

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Little Ears, Big Lessons

Bay Federal Credit Union — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:51:41 +0000

Kids are always listening. Even when they’re busy stacking blocks, staring out the car window, or sneaking a cookie before dinner, they’re tuned in to the world around them, especially to the words and tone of the adults they trust most. That includes how we find ourselves talking about money. Think about a simple grocery store trip. You might sigh and say, “We can’t afford that right now.” To you, it’s a practical comment. To your child, it might sound like money is scary or that there’s never enough. Over time, those small comments become the foundation of how kids see finances. The Hidden Messages Kids Hear Whether we mean to or not, we send money messages all the time. A quick remark like, “That’s too expensive,” or brushing off a question with, “Don’t worry about it,” might sound harmless, but it can leave a lasting impression. If kids only hear money talked about in terms of limits or worry, they may start to associate it with stress. When we avoid the subject altogether, they might think money is a taboo topic that isn’t safe to ask about. On the flip side, if they hear us frame money in terms of planning—like saving for a vacation or setting a budget for back-to- school shopping—they learn that money isn’t just about what you can’t do. It’s about making thoughtful decisions. Why It Matters The way kids view money in childhood often carries into adulthood. If money only feels like a source of anxiety, they may grow up avoiding the topic or doubting their ability to manage it. But when money is discussed openly, with a focus on choices and priorities, kids are more likely to grow up feeling capable and confident in handling it. Healthy Ways To Talk About Money You don’t need a perfect script to get it right. What matters most are small, everyday conversations that feel natural and age-appropriate: Narrate decisions. Instead of saying “we can’t buy that,” try saying, “we’re choosing this brand because it costs less, and we’re saving the extra for pizza night.” Talk about trade-offs. Let kids see that spending on one thing means waiting on another—it’s how priorities work. Celebrate saving. Share when a family goal is met, like setting aside for a special trip or big purchase. Invite them in. Give kids a small budget for something fun (like choosing between two snacks or toys). Making decisions with real dollars teaches more than any lecture. Turning Conversations Into Confidence The point isn’t to shield kids from reality or to never express stress—life has its challenges. But by balancing honesty with encouragement, we show them that money isn’t something to fear. It’s simply a tool that, with planning and practice, can help them reach their goals. At the end of the day, kids don’t need us to have all the answers. They just need us to be willing to talk. The lessons they pick up now about budgeting, saving, and even generosity can give them the confidence to build healthy financial habits for life. If you’re looking for support in starting or strengthening family money conversations, Bay Federal Credit Union partners with GreenPath Financial Wellness, a nonprofit resource that offers free financial counseling, tips, and tools. It’s a great place for parents to get guidance on creating a healthy money mindset so the little ears listening today can grow into financially confident adults tomorrow. Visit www.bayfed.com or stop by your nearest branch to get started. Let’s celebrate your child’s financial firsts together.

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Sculpting A Sweet & Spooky Witch’s Head For Halloween

Susan Tatsui-D’Arcy — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:50:15 +0000

There’s something nostalgic— and delicious—about the aroma of homemade Rice Krispie Treats. The warm sweetness, the buttery crunch… It’s a childhood favorite that brings smiles to just about everyone. For over 40 years, I’ve turned this humble treat into a spooky and spectacular Halloween centerpiece: a life-sized witch’s head sculpted entirely from Rice Krispie Treats. Kids love the gory (but edible) details: red- hot candy eyes, licorice hair, and gooey warts. Around the witch’s head, I arrange 50 knobby fingers—each with a red fruit leather “nail.” At my annual Halloween party, the guest who earns the most points during the games gets to take home the Krispie Witch. Word is, she makes the rounds at other parties before being devoured. How To Make A Rice Krispie Witch’s Head You’ll need: To make the full witch head and fingers, prepare 3–4 batches of Rice Krispie Treats using this basic recipe: 6 cups Rice Krispies cereal 40 large marshmallows 3 TBSP margarine Red Hots or rock candies (eyes, warts) Black licorice laces (hair) Red fruit leather (fingernails) 1 large can (e.g., pumpkin) to form the core Witch’s hat for decoration Step-By-Step Instructions Prep the base: Cover an 18” round platter with plastic or festive wrapping paper. Place the large can of pumpkin (or similar item) in the center—this becomes the support for the witch’s head. Melt & Mix (Batch 1): In a large pot, melt 1 TBSP margarine and 13–14 marshmallows over medium heat. Stir until smooth. Add 2 cups Rice Krispies. Mix well and let cool slightly. Sculpt the base head shape: Wearing gloves, scoop about 1 cup of the mixture onto the can and start forming a round base for the head. Firmly press and smooth into a ball shape. Add Facial Features (Batch 2): Prepare another batch and use the sticky mix to sculpt a long nose, pointy chin, high cheekbones, and a furrowed brow. Press candy eyes into the sockets and mold Rice Krispies over the edges for eyelids and brows. Details (Batch 3): Form warts using Red Hots or small candies. Shape the mouth and lips by layering and molding. To make hair, insert toothpicks at the top of the head and press in black licorice laces. Cover the picks with a witch’s hat. Witchy fingers (Optional Batch 4): For a creepy display, roll out 5” x 1” logs for fingers. Taper one end, and press on a triangle of red fruit leather to resemble a fingernail. Arrange the fingers around the witch’s head on the platter. Let it set: Once your witch is fully sculpted, let her sit for at least 30 minutes to firm up. Pro Tips Press the mixture firmly as you sculpt to help it hold its shape. Use gloves lightly coated with cooking spray to avoid sticking. Want a scarier effect? Dust her face with green sugar or use chocolate chips for moles. Keep The Tradition Going Every year, guests look forward to meeting my newest witch. Some years she’s ugly, some years she’s hideous—it all depends on how the Rice Krispies fall! I’ve expanded this tradition by making themed sculptures for every holiday: a Santa head for Christmas, an Easter egg, a turkey for Thanksgiving, a heart for Valentine’s Day, even a mini- park for Children’s Day. These edible creations become beloved traditions for both kids and adults. So this Halloween, forget the store- bought centerpieces. Grab your cereal, marshmallows, and imagination—and sculpt up some spooky fun. Send in photos of your own Rice Krispie Witch! We’d love to feature reader creations in next month’s issue!

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Saying Yes Even With Limited Choices

growingupsc — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:48:58 +0000

The most tempting word in parenting? Of course it’s “no”. Sometimes it’s “NO” and sometimes it’s “noooooooo” You might be thinking, “yep, that’s my job as a parent.” Children want to do absurd things. That’s their job. They are working to learn the world around them, become a person in their own right, and have fun. As parents then, we feel a need to keep our children safe, teach them the right ways of things, and help them avoid mistakes, pitfalls and injuries. So why is “no” troubling when trying to parent the positive discipline way? The short answer is that there is nothing wrong with the limit setting of “no” in itself. As you might have guessed, it’s how we say it. “No” Is An Abstract Concept That Is Challenging To Process Young children are concrete thinkers. “No” and “don’t” actually represent a very abstract concept. So when you tell your young child “no” they may not be developmentally ready to do the challenging work of processing it. Brains develop through about age 25. You may have tried this experiment on yourself or friends: Don’t think of a pink elephant. Did you? I’ve used this example hundreds of times and I still see a pink elephant, just as clearly as I did the first time. Most children won’t process the “no” part of a sentence. They just hear the concrete action part that follows, which sounds exactly like you are suggesting they do the opposite of what you mean. When you say “don’t pull on that table cloth” young brains skip the “don’t” because they don’t really understand the concept yet, but they do hear the “pull on the table cloth”. When I am busy or distracted and my husband says “don’t close the door, I’m coming right back” I’ve watched myself close the door and then process what he said… and open back up again. “No” Creates A Power Struggle “No” also puts you in a head to head with your child (tip: this is true for adults too!) If you read the Doctor Seuss book with the North Going Zax and the South Going Zax you get the visual of standing face to face with your child, neither of you being able to get anywhere because you are stuck in direct opposition. I remember as a child thinking, “Why don’t they just step around each other and keep going?” Imagine parenting as pool balls on a pool table. Each ball has its own path to a pocket. But they often interact with each other. If two balls are coming straight toward each other, they will bounce off and lose momentum but even a slight offset and they deflect and carry on. As parents we often get stuck in a head-to- head, straight-on power struggle with our children, when taking a slight angle could get us working with our child again, with little to no struggle. What Works Better? Finding Your Parenting “Yes!” So, what does “no” look like the Positive Discipline way? Like offering an alternative that meets the needs of the parent and teaches, or offers a path forward for the child, at the same time. Try Expressing A Clear No By Telling Your Child What To Do Instead Of What Not To Do. Say the positive command instead of the negative: Please walk when you are holding scissors. Use your inside voice. Food stays on the plate please. You can get out of the carseat after I park the car. You can hang out with friends after practice as long as you tell me where you will be and come home by 7. The more you practice using positive nos, the more they will become natural. You will eventually have access to them even when you are scared, worried, frustrated, or in a hurry. I remember hearing this tip in the Positive Discipline 8 week course I took when my now 18 year old was 16 months. I practiced and practiced and was amazed at the immediate results I got. But the funniest experience I had trying it was when my son was about two. My son happens to have very active salivary glands, which is great for keeping healthy teeth but, when you are two years old and you are upset and trying to talk… let’s just say it’s messy. I remember one day in particular, he was upset and telling me all about it (thanks to Positive Discipline, he still tells me all about his upsets.) A big drool was about to come out and I panicked. My brain went racing through all the Positive Discipline advice I had heard and I looked at him and said “Swallow your spit.” I couldn’t believe it when it worked. I spent the next few minutes trying not to laugh; trying to listen carefully to his concerns and help him problem-solve. I won’t forget it and it helped me solidify this tool for ever more. Limited Choices Another positive “no” is offering “Limited Choices”. This is a great way to empower your children to make decisions for themselves and to give them practice at making good decisions all while getting an outcome that you are comfortable with as a parent. Limited choices sound like: Which shoes do you want to put on because it’s time to walk out the door now; these or these? Would you like to go with Teacher Joy or Teacher Ron? Would you like bath toys or tub paints for bath time? What day are you going to wash dishes? Tuesday or Friday? You can pick out three books from your bookshelf for bedtime. Are you going to get down or do you want me to carry you down? Limited choices work best when you: You are calm You choose a kind and firm tone of voice (or a playful one if you aren’t already in a conflict) You offer real choices that could be acceptable for both of you Limited Choices are appropriate for most situations. When your children are very young, just offer two choices, so they can practice choosing without extra processing. As your children grow, they may be able to handle more options. Making good choices, or really, being able to make a choice at all, depends upon our brain’s ability to process. Learning differences and neuro processing differences may affect our children’s abilities to make choices. Fatigue, overwhelm or frustration, even being overexcited may make decision making difficult. At the end of a long busy day, I’d rather have my husband ask, “Do you want Thai or Mexican” than, “Where do you want to go for dinner?” Try to be aware of your child’s situation when you offer choices. If they are struggling, ask them if they want you to decide. For children who are not exactly happy with any of the choices, you may opt to set a time limit for them to make the decision; a point at which you will make the decision for them if they cannot or choose not to. For some children or in some situations, this will cause more stress and make it harder for them to make a decision. For children who are upset or overexcited, you can help them calm down before they make the decision. Hold It Lightly! Observation and practice will help you know what works best for you and your child. Experiment. See how it works. Try it a new way. Get curious and wonder what your child’s thinking behind their behavior. If you feel a head to head coming on, if you see a disaster waiting to happen, if you feel you need to correct your child’s behavior, see if you can take a breath and choose a positive no (a parenting YES!,) or offer some limited choices to gain your child’s cooperation.

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Power Of Setting Limits

Yesenia Gomez-Carrillo — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:46:38 +0000

Parents naturally want to make their kids happy—we love them so much, it’s natural to want to give them the world. But balancing that desire with the need to set clear, consistent boundaries isn’t always easy. I know for myself, I often wonder: are we being too soft? Too strict? Finding that “just right” middle ground can be a real challenge. This monthly column provides tips for anyone who is helping raise children, based on the world- renowned Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, available to families in Santa Cruz County. If you have a question or idea for a future column, email me at triplep@first5scc.org. Dear Yesenia, I’m a mother to two boys, ages 4 and 7. I try to be consistent with the rules and expectations for my sons, but lately I feel like I may be too strict of a parent. My boys tell me their friends get treats in their lunches, go to bed late, have sleepovers on weeknights and get to play video games whenever they want. My oldest even says he has friends who have their own TVs in their bedrooms! While I think my kids may be exaggerating a bit, other parents I talk to have more lax rules. Are mine unreasonable? Gloria Dear Gloria, A big part of parenting involves setting limits for children, and it sounds like you’re doing a good job. Setting limits is an important part of parenting, even if it’s not always easy or popular. Clear boundaries help kids understand what’s expected and support their well-being. The key is finding rules that feel fair to both you and your kids. Here are a few tips: Involve Your Children In Discussing The Family Rules When children are younger, the responsibility for setting family rules falls primarily on theparent. As children get older, it can be helpful to involve them in the discussion so they understand the reasons for the limits and can share their ideas about what is fair and reasonable. There may also be times when you have different rules or limits for your children, such as a later bedtime for your older child, or fewer chores for your younger child. Involving them in the discussion can help them understand that rules can be different for each of them and still be fair. Start With A Few Simple Family Rules Or Limits Rules or limits are most effective when there are a few of them, they are simple, and they focus on what you want your children to do (versus not do). This makes it easier for both you and your children to remember the limits, which increases their chances of success in following them. For example, instead of saying “No sleepovers on weeknights,” try saying, “Friends can sleep over on weekends.” Some families have rules or limits that are non-negotiable, based on their values about promoting their children’s health, safety, etc. Oftentimes, families also identify rules or limits that are more flexible. You might decide that certain limits are non-negotiable in your family, such as “Finish homework before watching TV,” or “Sweet treats can only be eaten at one meal per day.” As you set firm limits, you might also consider whether certain rules can be more flexible, such as “Eat healthy foods for lunch every day, then pick a treat for lunch on Friday.” This gives your children something to look forward to while still teaching them to respect the limits you have set. Continue To Talk With Other Parents And Adults You Trust. As your children get older, the need for and types of rules or limits you have will change. It’s great to talk with other parents – it helps you let your children know that different families can have different rules. It can also help you decide when and how to modify your family rules as each child gets older. You might also find it helpful to talk to a pediatrician, a pastor, teacher, other friends or family members whose children have already grown up. You are likely to get a range of opinions about what’s considered fair, reasonable and age-appropriate for your children. If it starts to get overwhelming, just think of it as gathering information to help you decide what feels right for your family. Setting (and sticking to) limits can be one of the hardest – and most important – parts of parenting. Establishing reasonable rules and teaching children to follow them will help keep them safe and healthy in the long run. Although they may not appreciate it now, they will thank you someday…when they are raising their own children.

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UCSC Art Show Reveals Human Impact Through A Whale’s Eyes

Isabella Blevins — Fri, 10 Oct 2025 15:38:42 +0000

Weather and the Whale is a new multimedia installation at UCSC’s Institute of Arts and Sciences Galleries that explores climate change and the relationship between humans and marine life from a whale’s perspective. The exhibition is the result of a two-year collaboration between UCSC faculty, marine scientists, and ten internationally-acclaimed artists. UCSC marine ecologist Ari Friedlaender and IAS Galleries curators Rachel Nelson and Alexandra Moore put together the project and assembled the group of featured artists and scientists. Visitors of the exhibition are led on an audio-visual journey that offers a detailed and unrivaled look at the interconnection between whales, humans and their shared world. The varied significance of whales is examined and scrutinized through historical, scientific, and sociological lenses. A glimpse into the history of American whaling is provided by Whale Charts, which was created by the American zoologist Charles Haskins Townsend in 1935. It depicts a map of the world displaying numerous dots to indicate the locations where whales were hunted by American whalers from the mid-1700s to early 1900s. It wasn’t until 1986 that the International Whaling Commission officially banned commercial whaling in the United States. Near the Whale Charts, another display shows scrimshaws: engravings carved into whale bones and teeth, originally as a pastime for whalers while they were at sea. Most parts of the hunted whale carcasses had been previously considered useless, and whales were primarily hunted solely for their blubber. Townsend’s Whale Charts and the scrimshaw pieces serve as reminders of an enduring exploitation of whales on a scale both large and wasteful. Ocean Sentinels and Toxins in Monterey Bay, California evaluates more recent effects of human actions on California’s marine environment by measuring chemical compounds from pesticides found inside marine mammals living in the Monterey Bay. In a video, Logan Pallin, an encophysiologist at UCSC, shared that more than 140 different compounds were found inside the bodies of three different marine mammals last year: a humpback whale, a California sea lion and a California sea otter Pallin’s focus is on the present and future, as he voiced concern about the effects of Moss Landing’s battery storage fire on Monterey Bay and Elkhorn Slough marine life that has yet to be uncovered. Weather and the Whale will continue to be on view until March 8, 2026. Two additional exhibitions, Sam Williams: Deep in The Eye and The Belly at the Mary Porter Sesnon Gallery and Yolande Harris: Sound Portal for Whale Bubbles at the Seymour Marine Discovery Center, will open this fall.

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